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The Chinese character for crisis is weiji (pronounce ching-chong), contains within it the characters for the words danger (chong) and opportunity (ching). In the ruined city of New Orleans, an oppurtunity has arisen from the crisis.
Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house, a New New Orleans is being constructed, a themepark which will preserve the orginal spirit of New Orleans while creating a fun, friendly atmosphere, safe for the whole family. And, because George W. Bush loves black people, he has dedicated millions of taxpayer dollars to contract numerous Fortune 500 Companies such as Halliburton and Disney to oversee the reconstruction effort!
Mardi Gras need not come once a year. Each night, at 8 p.m., the
Bourbon Haliburton Street Electrical Parade come rolling through the city, featuring floats and live performers, celebrating 85 years of Disney Entertainment, with a New Orleans twist of course. Bringing up the rear of the parade is of course, Mickey Mouse, who is known to throw candy bead necklaces to lucky children which strike his eye.
Police Warning: Indecent Exposure will be punished to the full extent of the law.
Anne Rice's Haunted MansionEdit
Every mansion in New Orleans is haunted by the murdered black slave mistresses, but some more than others. Come, enter, and explore the mansion of the writer Anne Rice. Each night, her ghost emerges from the gloom to rant and rave about the "utter contempt" she has for the "sheer outrageous stupidity" of those guests who didn't like Blood Canticle.
Po'Blacks of the CarribbeanEdit
Hop aboard one of our dinghys, and take our Safari Tour into the "Wild Kingdom". Each night, we flood the area outside of the walls around the New New Orleans Themepark. Utilizing the breakthrough technology of Animatronics, see a realistic, yet light-hearted recreation of the Po'Black's life, set during Tropical Storm Katrina. "Yo ho, crack ho, a Po'Black's life for me."
Dinghys are completely bulletproof.
Splash Mountain of WaterEdit
Every hour on the hour experience the rush of a mountain of water tearing through the entire park while an authentic Dixieland band play "Goin' down to the levee" and "When the levee breaks". While you try to stay afloat, keep your eyes open and pointed to the sky for a surprise visit* from President Bush flying overhead.
* Surprise visit not guaranteed
Wonder World of HookersEdit
With many French Quarter Hookers being replaced after Katrina, you can now visit a castle that has them all under one roof. Here you can visit them all. Micky Mouse and Elliot Spitzer greet you at the secret door. Once your in, it's non-stop fun!
Children can be stored in Dungon while you play.
At the New New Orleans Themepark, you'll never be more than two steps away from a McDonalds! And we have tailored our menu especially for the city, offering such fare as french fries (not freedom fries), and le Big Macs.
Chef Louis RestaurantEdit
Hungry for some classic Creole cuisine? Join Chef Louis, world renowned saucier and famous for his appearance in Disney classic, The Little Mermaid, in his five-star restaurant.
No spices nor trans-fats used in cooking.
The Chocolate CityEdit
A chocolate shoppe, whose speciality is recreating the entire city of Olde, New Orleans, out of chocolate. Try some delicious 9th Ward dark chocolate today!
Trent Lott's PorchEdit
Trent Lott's house has been rebuilt, more fantastic than ever. Come, kick up your feet, and join an Animatronic George W. Bush for a cool drink on the picturesque Mississippi Delta.