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|The "Hardcore" State of NEW HAMPSHIRE |
|Capitol:||"Con-cahd" Guy, everyone knows that bud.|
|Official Language:||"Canook"(Bastardised Canadian) & "New Englander"|
|State Bird:||The middle finger|
|State Motto:||Live free or do whatever it takes so I don't dieEpisode #330|
|Governor:||If you close your eyes, he sounds EXACTLY like Kermit the Frog.|
|State Anthem:||Where Mass spends it's dough.|
|Population:||More cattle than people.|
|Standard MPH:||30 mph, even though the speed limit is 35. Damn slow drivers...|
|Principal exports:||Wicked good Corn and Wicked good lobstah.|
|Principal industries:||Used to be textiles in the industrial age, now it's turning to tech. The inventor of the Segway and more importantly the kidney dialosis mahcine hails from this quiet littel state of half rednecks and half yuppies. Somewhere in the middle lies the youth but they usually leave the state to make their money and return later in life to settle there... sometimes they return that is.|
|Fun Fact # 1:||A man got stabbed in the face for calling a redneck unamerican at the debut of Micheal Moores inflamatory 9-11 documentary.|
|Fun Fact # 2:||The crown gem of the state is mount Washington, a mountain that claims 3 lives a year on average, but has a road to the top of it!|
|Fun Fact # 3:||Producers of "Live free or Die Harder" payed $0 to rip off our state motto.|
New Hampshire was once a haven for conservatives, no sales or income taxes, valued freedom (see moto), and had to right to rebellion. However, once the Republican party came to it's senses and turned into neo-cons and tea partiers, the state turned democrat, claiming it was too American for them. This is probably a result of large amounts of French-Canadians, who are worse than the French surrender monkeys because as Canadians they can only ask questions and never know enough to take a side, and are worse than Canadians because they smell like the French.
In popular culture it is known for creating conspiracy theories (thanks dan brown), vehicles for people who like standing but hate walking(segways), educating the olson twins(good job phillips exeter), and their hatred of the letter R. There is currently a movement to change the spelling of the state to New Hampshah, the name of the capital to Concahd, and the name of it's Ivy to Dahtmoth. Nothing annoys New Hampshahites more than when news reporters mispronounce the New Hampshah phesidential phimahy.
Most people still don't really know New Hampshire is a state. We have yet to be discovered.
New Hampshire became a state in 1788. In 1947, Earl Silas Tupper invented Tupperware. Nothing else has happened since then.
Although new Hampshire was one of the thirteen original colonies, many early American were hesitant about giving New Hampshire statehood. It was, however, admitted into the Union on June 21, 1788 under the agreement that every 50 years New Hampshire would always be forced to export 35% of its wealth to the surrounding states. However, New Hampshire was smart enough to be one of the few states to protect the right of revolution. Fourty-nine years after achieving statehood, New Hampshire revolted. The end result was that they were able to keep their 35%, and they coined their state motto, "Live Free or Die." It kind of went to their heads after that.
New Hampshire TodayEdit
Lots of corn and cattle. The occasional Longhorn Steakhouse and Denny's.
New Hampshire LandmarksEdit
The Old Man in the- oh, wait...
Famous New HampshiritessEdit
Brian Wilson - The guy from that Barenaked Ladies song
Ray LaMontagne - Wrote a song about New Hampshire (see Granite State of Mind)
Adam Sandler - Funny guy in a bunch of movies
Robert Frost - Wrote a poem about a road
Sarah Silverman - I have no fucking clue why she is famous
A Typical Day in New HampshireEdit
During the day, young boys hunt for deer and wild turkies while young girls stay behind to milk cows and churn butter. Although there is no sales tax in New Hampshire, the property tax is so high that most families simply live in huts down the Kancamagus. The most popular employment for men in New Hampshire is construction, yet somehow all the roads are always crap. This may be due to migrating cattle and the locally-coined term "frost heaves." The most popular job for women is hair stylist.