Nailed 'Em

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Nailed 'Em
is a featured segment of
the Greatest American Television Show--EVER!!!, The Colbert Report.


Justice delayed, Justice is sweet.

Successes of America's border protections with Jasper and Maria.

July 27, 2009Edit

  • crime is on the rise
  • public libraries are not safe from crime
    • communities decide who is taxed and how much to support them
  • public libraries depend on everyone following the rules
    • without the rules there would be total chaos
  • Dominic Philip is fine with total chaos
    • his mother says he is addicted to reading and is obsessed about when they will go to the library next
    • his sister calls him a "nerd"
    • he circled the Nazareth Library Summer Reading program on his calendar weeks in advance
  • Dominic lead a parade through the library
    • tooting a kazoo
    • it was covered in the local paper
      • fame is part of the high
  • the news story revealed that Philip lived in nearby Tatamy, Pennsylvania, which does not pay any taxes to support the library
    • making the Tatamy residents ineligible to use the library
  • Sir Dr. Colbert says to throw the book at him, but he'd just read it [1]

February 24, 2009Edit

  • spike in crime
    • keep foot firmly planted on the neck
  • stop watching if you are breast feeding
    • or thinking of breast feeding
  • Don't share the plate, if you can't do the fate

February 2, 2009Edit

  • airport security is important
    • so is rail security
  • Amtrak has protected passengers from their destinations
  • weed out sleepers from society
  • the heroes: Amtrak Police!
  • photography contest is Amtrak's cleverest ruse since their timetables

December 3, 2008Edit


  • Border Patrol Agents prevented subversive knitter from re-entering America after visiting Canada for an art concert or thing
  • artists love to shock by knitting and crocheting
    • SUVs
    • guns
    • tanks
    • dog sweaters
  • Radical Lace & Subversive Knitting

August 11, 2008Edit


  • hippie pot head, "Toke Master Back Ache", was fired for being a stoner
    • his doctor is Tommy Chong

March 4, 2008Edit


October 2, 2007Edit


Samuel Peterson

armed with the cyberterorrist's (cyberorrist) favorite weapon: the laptop


August 20, 2007Edit


America's northern border

Tommy Chong-a-like

took acid

Andrew Feldmar

hasn't been high since 1975

Marcel Feldmar, Andrew's son

Sleep tight America, there's one less drug fiend prowling your neighborhood.

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