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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
MC Rove says,
"You can't touch

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'''If there's one passion in this country, it is music, the universal language. If there's one man who inspires passion, it is Stephen Colbert, a sunburst of emotion in a time darkened by reason.'''
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~ Morley Safer

Alongside God, America, and apple pie, there is nothing Americans feel more passionately about than Stephen Colbert, that sunburst of emotion in a time darkened by reason. Sometimes, America's Stepheneration reaches such a fevered pitch that the heroes must release this passion through expressions of the universal language, music. At such times, God has provided them the glorious capacity to make a joyful noise unto Colbert.

Songs of love and opinion

Stephen's latest Emmy-worthy musical offering. Will the godless sodomites get it right in 2008?

Stephen Colbert: Great Musician, or The Greatest Musician - EVER!?Edit

Even more fortunately for the heroes' passions, Our Glorious Stephen is himself a gifted musician. Blessed as America is to have such a talent, it has often found itself asking: "Stephen Colbert: Great Musician, or the Greatest Musician - EVER?" Surely we all know the answer to that. Proclaimed the Rasputin of Riffs and the Socrates of Shred, Stephen has been hailed as one of the greatest musical talents in the pundit industry, and musicians such as Barry Manilow, Neil Young and John Hall have had the privilege of performing with Him.

What is it that sets Stephen so far above all other musicians? What is it that fills the in the hearts and guts of so many heroes with love for Our Glorious Stephen and his mellifluous tones? Perhaps Stephen's revolutionary approach to music has something to do it. Unlike many popular musicians, The "C-Train" believes that music should be created and enjoyed for entertainment purposes only. Music, according to Stephen, should never contain messages of political dissidence ever. (Are you listening, Springsteen?)

No, you will never hear The Greatest Musician - EVER singing you songs about what's wrong with America or Americans. Stephen's songs are pure, inspirational, apolitical entertainment, filled with reassuring messages about America's and Americans' greatness, and about our inevitable triumph over all those who would oppose our great way of life. And who doesn't want to get up and dance when they hear classic Colbert tracks like "Hiphopketball 2: The Rejazzebration Remix '06", "Shredding in the Name of Stephen", or "The National Anthem"??

The Inspirational Power of The Greatest Musician - EVER!Edit

Stephen and andras shred

Stephen's musical truthiness inspired Hungarian Ambassador Andras Simonyi to tear down the Berlin Wall.

Aside from Kanye, beyond the inspiration that he offers the heroes every day, beyond even his own tremendous contibutions to the field of musical bettermentification, the gift of Stephen Colbert's musical giftedness is one that keeps on giving. For Songmeister Stephen is not content to simply let America bask in the reflected glory of his musical ballsiness. No, The Greatest Musician - EVER! has also challenged America to get up off its musical butt on several occasions, as with his recent challenge to the heroes (and Danger Mouse) to produce The White Christmas Album.

Below, you will find just a few of the many, countless, millions of possible examples of the greatness that Our Glorious Stephen has contributed to the sweet, sweet sounds of music. America's hills are alive thanks to you, Dr. Colbert, for you have truly taught America's Planet to sing.

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Popular music should be a series of meaningless clichés strung together by a pleasing melody to help pass the time during long commutes or loveless marriages.
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~ Stephen Colbert

Performances by The Greatest Musician - EVER!Edit

Songs of the Report
Screen Date Artist(s) Title Audio Video[1][2]
TCRLogoBright1 Episode Guides Stephen Colbert The Colbert Report Theme Song .mp3
Hiphopketball1 thumb 01/09/06 Stephen Colbert Hiphopketball: A Jazzebration .mp3


Charlene thumb 02/09/06 Stephen and the Colberts Charlene (I'm Right Behind You) .mp3 CC
Hiphopketball thumb 03/14/06 Stephen Colbert & Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Hiphopketball 2: The Rejazzebration Remix '06 .mp3 ML
This land thumb 03/23/06 Stephen Colbert This Land is Your Land .mp3 ML
2128 mrscolbert m1 10/10/06 Stephen Colbert You Are All Mrs. Colbert! .mp3 ML
Dance with Me thumb 10/19/06 Stephen Colbert & John Hall Dance With Me .mp3 DM
Manilow duet thumb 10/30/06 Stephen Colbert & Barry Manilow I Write the Songs .mp3 ML
Hall anthem thumb 11/08/06 Stephen Colbert & John Hall The National Anthem .mp3 ML, 2
CC, 2
WM, 2
Guitar 5neck 12/20/06 Stephen Colbert (w/ Peter Frampton) Shredding in the Name of Stephen .mp3 ML
All stars thumb 12/20/06 Stephen Colbert w/ the Guitar Heroes All Star Guitar Jam .mp3 ML
Korean thumb 5/10/07 Stephen Colbert He's Singin' In Korean mp3 ML

Superstantial Extra-Report Performances by The Greatest Musician - EVER!
Screen From Artist(s) Title Audio Video

Second City Stephen Colbert & Steve Carell Questions I Already Know .mp3
No Video

Stella Stephen Colbert & Paul Dinello The Devil Went Down To Georgia w/ Dueling Bassoon .mp3 YT
Strangers With Candy Stephen Colbert The King of Glory Comes .mp3

Strangers With Candy Stephen Colbert Carry On My Wayward Son / Kansas medley .mp3

The Daily Show The Daily Show Correspondents The National Anthem .mp3

Exit 57 Stephen Colbert & The Exit 57 Dancers Dancing Muchachos .mp3 YT

Exit 57 Stephen Colbert& The Exit 57 Jazz Ensemble Mary (The Dead Girl) .mp3

Whose Line is It Anyway? Stephen Colbert, Wayne Brady, Ryan Stiles & Colin Mochrie Avalanche Rap .mp3

Performances in Honor of Our Glorious StephenEdit

Performed on the Report
Screen Date Artist(s) Title Audio Video
Newman thumb 10/09/06 Randy Newman Political Science .mp3 ML
Tek thumb 11/08/06 The Tek Jansen Choir The Tek Jansen Alpha Squad 7 Theme Song .mp3 ML
Schneider thumb 12/20/06 Robert Schneider Stephen, Stephen .mp3 ML

See AlsoEdit

is just one of the many gifts the Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
has bestowed upon all of humankind. Thank you Dr. Colbert, thank you.


  1. ML = MotherLoad
    CC = Comedy Central's Secondary Player (Windows Media)
    WM = Windows Media Player (Opens in external application)
    DM = Dailymotion
    YT = YouTube
  2. Comedy Central may pull videos off of their site or other video hosting sites, so some links may be dead. Please post on the talk page of this page if you encounter any problems. Thanks.

External TubesEdit

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