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Dr. Stephen T. Colbert DFA uses the following truths elicited from his gut to educate small children about the dangers of the highly addictive and often murderous substance that is mushrooms.
- Mushrooms are an illegal drug that is guaranteed to kill.
- Mushrooms were proven to be more dangerous to the human body than cigarettes filled with the AIDS.
- Mushrooms are the number two cause of death in America.
The only three things that come from the use of mushrooms are:
- Immediate Paralysis followed by slow painful death by parasites infesting the brain.
- Total psychosis, usually resulting in the murder of B-list Hollywood stars. (see Charles Manson)
- The most severe and irreversible effect of mushrooms is being a hippie.
- Loss of ability to count correctly
- Liking horrible, liberal propaganda bands like Phish