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is hippie-related, and not groovy to The Baby Jesus.
makes The Baby Jesus sad.
Does your mother know you read these filthy liberal myths?

Dr. Stephen T. Colbert DFA uses the following truths elicited from his gut to educate small children about the dangers of the highly addictive and often murderous substance that is mushrooms.

  • Mushrooms are an illegal drug that is guaranteed to kill.
  • Mushrooms were proven to be more dangerous to the human body than cigarettes filled with the AIDS.
  • Mushrooms are the number two cause of death in America.

The only three things that come from the use of mushrooms are:

  • Immediate Paralysis followed by slow painful death by parasites infesting the brain.
  • Total psychosis, usually resulting in the murder of B-list Hollywood stars. (see Charles Manson)
  • The most severe and irreversible effect of mushrooms is being a hippie.
  • Loss of ability to count correctly
  • Regret
  • Liking horrible, liberal propaganda bands like Phish

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