Mr. Wizard

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The monkeys working on
"Mr. Wizard"
are currently throwing feces at each other. They will return shortly.
Mr. Wizard studies science-related stuff,
guaranteeing him a one-way ticket straight to hell.
Mr Wizard1

See, Timmy? Explosions are fun!


Mr. Wizard brings America to the brink of destruction with his unholy blend of science, danger, and jacketless fun.

Don Herbert, aka "Mr. Wizard", (July 10, 1917 - June 12, 2007) corrupted or attempted to corrupt millions of young American minds for almost forty years with his television shows about science. Apparently, before the Contract with America, no one in America was thinking of the children. In those dark, pre-Republican-majority days, men like Mr. Wizard spread their learn-loving, answer-seeking, pro-discovery agenda to America's children unimpeded by America's parents. To be fair, this was before the technological breakthrough of the VChip, but still... there's no getting around the fact that America's families allowed Mr. Wizard to bring science into their children's heads.


Proof of Mr. Wizard's evil influence comes in the form of a House Resolution "honoring" the "heritage of Don Herbert" by encouraging children to follow in his footsteps "by exploring our world through science, technology, engineering, and mathematics fields."[1][2] Thanks a lot, House of Representatives. That's just what America's children need!

Maybe Not So BadEdit

Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. has also recently honored the contributions of Mr. Herbert, having noted on the June 21, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report that the late Wizard's contributions "negotiated a middle ground between faith and science: magic!"

Thanks, Big Guy.

To celebrate one of America's last great wizards, Dr. Colbert replicated one of the "experiments" for which Don Herbert was best known: making the seemingly impossible happen by forcing an egg inside a milk bottle. Dr. Colbert explained that the principle at work in this experiment involved lighting a fire, which produced smoke to arouse God's attention, which in turn caused God to push the egg into the bottle to put out the fire. After the demonstration, the egg in the bottle was placed on Dr. Colbert's Shelves of Honor between Stephen's honorary doctorate from Knox College and a scale model of the Ten Commandments tablets.

Baby Jesus
The Baby Jesus and The Baby Satan
are fighting over the very soul of
Mr. Wizard


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