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The Mountain Lion is an oft-misunderstood big cat that lives primarily in the mountains and heavily forested areas of North America. As their name implies, Mountain Lions are close relatives of their Land-based and Sea-based brethren.
Mountain Lions are big (4 feet tall and 8 feet long) yellow cats with pointy ears. They have sharp teeth and fangs specially designed to crush the skulls and sever the arteries of overly meddlesome hikers. Invasive hikers should also be made aware that Mountain Lions can leap over 20 feet in the air, and sprint up to speeds of 35 mph.
The main diet of Mountain Lions is intrusive hikers who ignore freshly laid urine scent marks indicating the lion's territory. They have also been known to eat deer.
In late 2008, Mountain Lions were discovered living in the Atlanta, Georgia subway system known as MARTA. As a result, the Georgian government passed a law allowing Georgians to carry handguns onto public transportation.
Mountain Lion/Human RelationsEdit
Clashes between humans and the cat have been prevalent ever since humans began invading the mountain lion's territory years ago. However, these one-sided conflicts seem to have increased in number of late. The fact is that humans have just become more tasty looking due to increased body fat ratios.
How To Avoid Becoming Mountain Lion FoodEdit
To avoid being a Mountain Lion's next meal avoid doing these things:
- Do not go anywhere where Mountain Lions may live...they are very territorial. Besides, hiking is for hippies.
- If you see a Mountain Lion, do not shout, clap, or make other loud noises for this may hurt the cat's sensitive ears.
- Shield yourself from a Mountain Lion with nearby children. Young children are likely to grab the cat's tail and scare it away.
- Avoid walking with large amounts of raw meat/catnip.
- Mountain Lions are very self-conscious felines, so do not look a them directly in the eyes. They will think you are judging them.
- When camping, leave scraps of food near your campsite as a kind of peace offering to the cat and other nearby wildlife.
- Alway trust your instincts. It is best to RUN away from a Mountain Lion. They are unlikely to chase something that is running away.