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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
Daddychopper

In America, even the motorcycles are big!

The motorcycle is a small machine developed for the transport of Apostles between villages by Jesus. Consisting of a small engine, two wheels and a frame. Originally powered by the pure light of Jesus, these are, and will remain the pinnacle of engineering.

TCruiseDMiscavige

In modern times, the motorcycle is an extension of the penis for those too gay or female to own a gun.

HistoryEdit

As Jesus was trying to spread the positive word (Supporting the Holy Ghost, Healing and Death Penalties), he nominated a number of Apostles to spread the word aswell. The only issue with these men is they lacked the Superhuman abilities of Jesus (the most applicable being Super-Speed). Riding on an ass took far too long, and a Donkey fared little better, despite being more expensive, (Occasionally, Apostles would get paid for travel via-ass, usually by kind and generous priests). Jesus saw a clear solution, quickly manufacturing from pure good the Motorcycle. The first model was capable of only 300 mp/h, reaching 0-60 in 4.2 seconds. This shocked Jesus, who, being a carpenter reasoned he could do much better. The period of time he spend manufacturing and improving the Motorcycle is a relatively undocumented period in History. As he finally revealed his creation to his Apostles, a Superbike of unparalleled ability, they were overjoyed. Many, feasting on the flesh of Jesus simply choked and has to be comforted with his blood.

Thus they could spread the word much quicker, with this improved motorcycle reaching speeds of 1000 mp/h and taking just under 3 seconds to obtain o-60. His words spread like wildfire, with Apostles zip-zooming around, dodging the Romans with superior speed and handling. (The Roman mounts at that could could obtain a massive 20 kp/h. Had they listened, Jesus told in more than one speech on how to breed decent horses).

Assaultmotorcycle

Jesus’ ride. HELL YEAH!!

Stunts?Edit

Soon the population of the world became unimpressed with the Apostles simply zooming around and screaming "Holy Ghost" at supersonic speeds. To gain the attention of the populace, they soon began to stand up on seats, launch the front wheel into the air and brake with the rear tire well off the ground. This suitably impressed the populace so much that for each Motorcycle stunt done today, 400 people are converted to become God-loving Christian Democrats.

Motorcycle-ModificationEdit

Soon enough, Satan became aware of Jesus' obviously superior method of travel and began to corrupt the populace into obtaining a motorcycle, and removing the love of Jesus. This created a number of external changes, with long Forks, increased Rake and Fat rear tires. A deep roar comes from these beasts, clearly the roar of the Demon powering the unholy machine.

These became so popular in the unholy community that all accounts of Jesus' crucification contain some reference to Judas Iscariot revving his engine just behind the Cross of Jesus, a very picture of rebellion.

See AlsoEdit


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