If you don't already have a
Mortgage Loan
your parents never loved you!

The money a man borrows from the bank is called a "loan". When he wants to buy a house, this Real American has to go to a bank to cover for the full cost and pay interest to keep the economy afloat. This special kind of loan is called a mortgage loan.

Loans for Real AmericansEdit

Countrywide Commercial 300:31

Countrywide Commercial 3

"A growing family with a lot of debt, a young couple with no down payment a business owner who's income was hard to document. Every one of them was turned down by 3 different lenders. I'm with Countrywide, and I got them all approved." (circa: before “Where the hell is my bailout money?”)

A Real American will have a credit score of 660 or better and will always have a down payment of 20% or more, never less like people who get sub-prime loans.

Loans for Lesser AmericansEdit

An American who doesn't have a job (or steady income from a legitimate job) will qualify immediately for a sub-prime loan from any loan institution.

Other prerequisites Lesser Americans should have to qualify are:

  • spinning rims on the wheels of the car they are behind payments on
  • too many children to count (including the one(s) ready to pop any minute)
  • enough ring tones so that all of his phones have unique rings for all his peeps.

Other Loans Which May Soon Become ProblematicEdit

  • Student Loans

External TubesEdit

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