Mort Zuckerman

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Mort Zuckerman
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process


Mr. Zuckerman in hiding while "On Notice"

Mort Zuckerman is the Editor in Chief of the magazine U.S News and World Report, with the 't' in the word "Report" pronounced. Why that is so, no one really knows.

Why Mr. Zuckerman MattersEdit

Zuckerman had been featured in The Colbert Report three times now, first, when he was featured on the show's May 17, 2006 "The WØRD" segment, when Stephen Colbert (a love god, by the way) defined him as a fiscal conservative who is against making the tax cuts permanent. A few weeks after the airing of that segment, Colbert received a fax transmission from Zuckerman and his magazine, in which they claimed they wanted to make the stance of the editor in chief clear. They claimed that Zuckerman was a registered Independent, and that "...Mr. Zuckerman made very clear that he opposes the fiscal policies of the Bush administration as favoring the rich and specifically opposed the extension [of the tax cuts]."

American or Liberal Media Whore?Edit

Colbert aired this on his June 12, 2006 show, apologizing about how he could have mistaken Zuckerman for being a Republican. After all, Zuckerman supported the war on Iraq, he's against affirmative action, he supports drilling in ANWR and he voted for Bush in 2004. Colbert absolutely emphasized that someone with those credentials obviously can't be a Republican. He would have let everything go and the word would be at peace again, unfortunately, the fax went on to say that Colbert had Zuckerman's stance on tax cuts wrong. This deeply offended Colbert, stating that Zuckerman should get his facts straight ("that's why they call it a fax"). Stephen was so enraged that he decided to put Mort Zuckerman into the On Notice Board right then and there. To make up space for Zuckerman's name on the board, Colbert gave The Sea a reprieve; making Zuckerman only slightly less worse than the Black Hole at the Center of the Galaxy, but slightly better than Grizzly Bears. Stephen then challenged Zuckerman to come to his show and apologize or he would be placed on the Dead to Me Board (in accordance with The Colbert Report policy).

July 12, 2006 NailingEdit



On the July 12, 2006 edition of The Colbert Report, Zuckerman was honored with to be a guest on the show. The interview was conducted with both the On Notice and Dead to Me Boards looming over Mr. Zuckerman. He then apologized both at the beginning and at the end of his interview and he was promptly taken off the On Notice Board (in accordance with The Colbert Report policy).

The writer would also like to remind Mr. Zuckerman that he promised to fund Stephen's kid's education through college through The Stephen and Evelyn Memorial Service so that people would have a location to remember how wonderful Colbert's show is.

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