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Mongolia is a country that used to be really, really, really, really powerful and aggressive, but now is filled with loads of drunk people who own goats and drink tea mixed with vodka. It is almost as if the culture just froze after it stopped being successful and stuff and never started growing again. It did not start evolving either, because evolution is a liberal myth.
Genghis Khan was the first President of Mongolia. He was a good wartime president, but not as good as George Washington. He was pretty close, though. He conquered a lot of Asia and large parts of the rest of the then known world and rode around on a horse with a bunch of other Mongolians. Mongolia used to rule China, but now China is really big and Mongolia is not quite as big, and China probably does not conquer Mongolia simply because they are either: a) really nice; b) too busy being Communists to do anything else except beat dogs to death with poles, c) too worried that Colbert will rise as Mongolia's war tsar in case of an invasion; or d) afraid that Genghis Khan or one of his successors, such as Kublai Khan (who conquered China a long time ago, in 1279), is being cryogenically preserved (like Abraham Lincoln and Richard Nixon's head) to lead Mongolia to greatness once again, which might involve China getting completely wasted by a country of goat-mongers and drunks.
- The capital of Mongolia is Ulaanbaatar, which can also be spelled as Ulan Bator, Ulan Batar, Ulaan Batar, Ulaan Bator, Ulaan-baatar, Ulaan Baatar, Ulan-bator, Ulaan-bator, Ulaan-batar, or Who Cares?
- Mongolians always have little evil mustaches, like the Huns in Mulan.
- Mongolia is not a myth. It is real.
- Colbert is one quarter Mongolian.
- George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, is Mongolia's friend and Mongolia is part of the Coalition of the Willing.
- Mongolia is the only worthy nation (except the U.S. of A!, naturally) Stephen Colbert would consider running for as President.
- Little known fact: 12% of Americans think that Mongolia doesn't exit.
- The rest never heard of it.