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If you don't already have
your parents never loved you!
ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.



If you are not a Republican, none of this is yours


Liberals attempting to destroy money! Maybe the happiness taxes aren't working...

Money is God's way of telling people he likes that they're doing good work. It is no coincidence, then, that most people with money are Republicans. It is said money cannot buy happiness; it may be possible, however, to buy truthiness[1].

Some people hate money. They choose poverty. But if you reason with these people and tell them what more money can do for them, maybe they'll give wanting to succeed a second chance and God would love them more again.

Money dna

Money is everything! Its even in our DNA!!

Amongst the many people who hate money and don't want you to have any are liberals[2], communists[3], Al Gore[4], Fidel Castro[5], Osama bin Laden[6], and Bears. Bears are godless killing machines who plot to destroy America and then eat your honey.

Fortunately, The Greatest President Ever loves money and will not let these enemies win. Our President will fight to defend America's money, no matter how high the cost. As long as that cost isn't his money. That just wouldn't make sense, now would it?

What Can Money Buy?Edit

See AlsoEdit


We are already working on the colbertbuck


  1. For more on this subject, see Wikilobbying
  2. They want to give your money away to Welfare Queens
  3. They want to take all your money and keep it for themselves
  4. He wants to put your money in a lockbox so you can never spend it
  5. He'll spend all your money on cigars
  6. He hates everything about you

External TubesEdit

is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.

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