Michael Waltrip

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Michael Waltrip
wakes up in the morning and pisses excellence!
Michael Waltrip
is an insidious part of the
Fancy-pantsification of America!
"Michael Waltrip"
is an Official "Lover of Immoral Bears" (LiB) Site™

Michael Waltrip is a NASCAR driver and a disciple of the great Dale Earnhardt.


Michael Waltrip, circa 2003.

Early LifeEdit

Young Michael, the younger brother of former NASCAR champion Darrell Waltrip, was interested in racing from his youth. He used to gather up all of his quality NAPA Auto Parts and build quality NAPA Auto Parts soap box derby cars. Because of the quality of NAPA Auto Parts, he was unbeatable in his neighborhood. He says that without quality NAPA Auto Parts, he probably wouldn't be where he is today. [1]

Early NASCAR CareerEdit

Michael started driving in NASCAR in the late 1980s. He didn't win any important races, likely because he was unable to use quality NAPA Auto Parts in his cars, as his owners had deals with other auto parts providers, who provided parts with less quality. However, he did win some exhibition races that didn't count. One example of this was in 1996, when he won NASCAR's all-star race.

It was then that Earnhardt first took interest in him. However, Waltrip was driving the #21 car, one of NASCAR's most famous cars, and Earnhardt was not yet a team owner. Earnhardt started his own team in 1998, with backing from former Waltrip sponsor Pennzoil. However, Waltrip had never won a race in a Pennzoil car, and didn't want to wear that ugly yellow fire suit ever again. After leaving the #21 team in 1998 and a couple of uninspired seasons with the #7 team (which had existed since 1958, when Jesus was the driver of the #7 Hooters Corvette), the timing was finally right for Waltrip to drive for Earnhardt. To make the pot sweeter, Waltrip was able to drive for NAPA Auto Parts.He n dale had a wonderful gay relation ship till they got aids n dale killed him self in his race car . A heart broken mike lost n sad started blow every little boy he could . Told his friends he was not gay he was sad

Triumph and TragedyEdit

On February 18, 2001, Michael Waltrip won the Daytona 500. It was his first career win in a race that actually meant something. However, the race was marred with tragedy when Earnhardt 'died' in a final lap accident that also involved Sterling Marlin. (See Earnhardt's page for more on this.)

Later CareerEdit

Waltrip won three more races in the NAPA Auto Parts car for Earnhardt's team, before somebody switched his quality NAPA Auto Parts with lesser quality, generic brand ones. The team suffered. After 2005, Waltrip left to start his own team, bringing NAPA Auto Parts' sponsorship (and quality auto parts) with him. However, owning and driving was a chore for Waltrip, and he sucked again.

Then, Satan (in the form of a Toyota executive) came to him, offering him enhanced performance if he would drive Toyota's starting in 2007. Waltrip, eager to finish a race, accepted. After Satan, Domino's Pizza, Burger King, and UPS threw lots of money at him, he expanded his one-car team to three in 2007, bringing on drivers Dale Jarrett and David Reutimann. However, due to quick expansion, the team failed to make it into many races and sucked. Satan also screwed Michael Waltrip over by causing his crew to cheat in the 2007 Daytona 500 and making him fail to qualify for the next 11 races afterwards.


  • Michael Waltrip has, in the past, run the Boston Marathon in his NAPA Auto Parts fire suit.
  • Michael Waltrip set a record for most sponsor mentions on national television in the span of 30 seconds while doing commentary on a NASCAR race he was not competing in. The record is six.
  • It takes a real man to admit that Michael Waltrip is hot.

See AlsoEdit

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