Michael Phelps
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process

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Baby Jesus
Michael Phelps
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

The Greatest Best Athlete Ever (world record)

A video still of Michael during a competition
Full Name: Michael Fred Awesome Phelps (world record)
Nickname: Superman (world record)
Species: Human? (world record)
Sexiness Rating: Body: 9.95 (world record)

Face: 2.37 (world record)

An American Olympic athlete, who specializes in the sport of swimming. He has won more olympic gold medals than anyone. He won 8 gold medals the Welcome to 2008 Beijing Olympics which is the most Gold medals won in a single olympics. Thats more than Mark Spitz. In the process he kicked France's ass after Alain Bernard said that France would "Smash" the Americans. His grandfather was Fred Phelps.


Michael swims in several events in the swimming court:

Male CompetitionsEdit

  • the 200 meter freestyle (world record)
  • the 200 meter individual medley (world record)
  • the 400 meter individual medley (world record)

Girl CompetitionsEdit

  • the 100 meter butterfly (world record)
  • the 200 meter butterfly (world record)
  • the 4x100 meter freestyle relay (world record)
  • the 4x200 m freestyle relay (world record)
  • the 4x100 meter medley relay (world record)

Total Olympic Medals WonEdit

  • 14 gold (world record)
  • went triple platinum with his new hit single "drown in my man juice" (world record)

World RecordsEdit

  • Currently owns the world record for fucking everything (world record)

Michael Phelps Black ListEdit


The guy who took this picture

Other AccomplishmentsEdit

  • plays Jim in The Office and led the Giants in the SuperbowlEpisode #433

December 11, 2008 NailingEdit

  • fourteen-time Olympic gold medalist swimmer
    • to prepare, Stephen shaved off all his body hair
  • Phelps does not have an Emmy
    • which are heavy
  • book: No Limits
  • Phelps turns into an inhuman win machine
  • if Phelps put his mind to it, he could swim in fire
  • Stephen turns off the TV when they play those human interest stories
    • doesn't know Phelps wasn't born with flippers
  • Stephen recommends that he work to be the least in shape man in the world
  • practices 5-6 hours a day
  • called Dara Torrez (sp) "mom"
  • if Phelps was a winter guy
    • he doesn't ice dance
  • Usain Bolt is the fastest man on land
    • but could possibly skip over the water he is so fast
  • hopes to be in 2012 (although not 8 races)
    • maybe 2010 if Stephen teaches him to ice dance

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