Michael Bay (Real Name: Michael Sidney Rodimus Antonio Jackson Castle Bay) is an American film director who makes stuff blow up real good.
Not since Andy Sidaris has the world seen a filmmaker of such high prestige and immeasurable talent (Noted physicist Dr. Stephen Hawking has said that such talent may be capable of being measured if they ever find a microscope that small. Oddly, this is exactly what Bay's gym teacher said when refering to Bay's manhood...).
Hollywood Big Shot Edit
Commonly referred to "The Greatest Filmmaker EVER"
by his mom, Michael Bay began his career by single handedly rescueing the spiralling film industry from homosexual military personel appearing in military movies. Bay works very close with the military, and since he is a Hollywood type, he is capable of spotting homosexuals with his patent-pending "gaydar" system. Bay has single handedly outed 5 of the Army's 11 Arabic speaking officers.
Our Glorious Dr. Sgt. Colbert, esq. allows Bay to exist only because he plays a key role in preserving the United State's image as the undisputed leader in giant robot truthiness.
Patriot Games Edit
When Bay is not outting the homosexuals in this Man's Army, he spends most of his time in his secret lair, otherwise known as his parent's basement, crushing the dreams of small children from the 80s. After his attempt to destroy the world with a giant asteroid, foiled only by heroic but out of luck police officer John McClane, Bay stole the ametuer home movies of his failed doomsday plot and released them as the instant hit classic, Armageddon.
Transformers - No more than Meets the Eye Edit
Realizing he can do more to ruin the world as an east-coast director than as a super villian, Bay teamed up with the writer of the hit movie Catwoman to work on his new project, "Transformers" - in which a group of giant robot alien space insects come to earth in order to help Sam Witwicky find his true love, Carly, with exciting special effects and kinky catwoman costumes. Little is known about the awesomeness that is the terror plot Transformers, but early news of the awesome Go-Bots movie shows that there will be only five autobots, and only five decepticons. Bay explains that "giant robots cost money" and "every second of these guys on the screen cost 5 million dollars"...
Early cast reportsEdit
- Optimus Prime, Heroic President of the United States of Americanos
- Ironhide, Heroic van/expert swimmer
- Ratchet, heroic fireman 9-11 tribute
- Bumblebee, Helen Keller reformated into a crappy broken car.
- Megatron, Dr. of Pain and leader of the Decepticons.
- Starscream, Megatron's X. Fires missiles from her boobs.
- Soundwave, Mass Shifting God of Destruction
- Barricade, Prowl after he became a Sith Lord in Episode III.
- Frenzy, Barricade's "life partner"
- Blackout, classic generation 1 transformer
- Brawl, Somebody who likes to get in fights.
- Devestator, Evil gestalt of... I mean, crappy throwaway decepticon.
- Scorpinok, Lord of Scooter Pies
- Leader 1, Megatron's black friend... of evil.
Recently Micheal Jackson Bay made the following statement: "No, the Internet cannot wreck anyone! The Internet is just one voice of many in the world. Let me be real clear - I knew damn well Tranformers had tons of fans, I just did not know the teaser would be the most downloaded in Yahoo history. When you see Optimus Transform in this movie for the first time and don't get a chill up your spine -- then RRRR off - because nothing in cinema will excite you!!! And trust me you won't care about the flames."
Fan Reaction Edit
Michael Bay's biggest fan had this to say about Michael Bay's big hit: "I gotta say, I was one of the naysayes - the objectors - but I was silenced by the new trailor! OMG, a truck transformed into a robot! And apparently Hulk guest stars, because tanks go flying! And then there's this helecopter - JUST LIKE IN G1! I forget his name... Coptur or something! Oh, and there's this giant metal scorpion - obviously out for someone's head! Wink Wink! Then there's this hot chick who runs around with Sam, much better than Frodo...
From what I hear Megatron's been frozen in the arctic - great news, I always thought he was silly - I'm glad he's dead. Finally Starscream can lead like he always should have! And I hear Bumblebee's some cool new car - which is cool, because the only thing I hated about transformers in 1984 was Bumblebee - not the character, I just thought he should be some cool new concept car!!!
And explosions - talk about explosions! I bet by the end of the movie some transformer will die! I hope it's that hipster Jazz, I hear he's got it coming to him... what, with being a jackass and all - playing all that music loud, bah humbug!
Thank you Michael Bay! I love the new movie! Bang! Kaboom! Zowie! And yes, I do think that all transformers look like giant pieces of shit flying through space - thank God Michael Bay imagined this... can't wait to see how many asses Quintessons have!"
Michael Bay recently produced his own music video, where he plays a cowboy singing about shooting homosexuals.