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|People Who Are in Cults|
Meteorologists are a cult similar to Atheists and Agnostics, whose core beleifs center around worship of deities they refer to as "climatic systems" although they will never acknowledge to the non-members of their cult that these "climatic systems" are, in fact, their God. In this way, they are distinguished from Athiests, because they do, in fact, beleive in something. Members of the sect are also sometimes called Weather-men. The lowest rank in the cult is believed to be "T.V. Weather Personality", and the highest ranks are typically hidden in major government organizations. Their secret society is called the National Weather Bureau.
Even when he was still starring on The Daily Show, Stephen Colbert showed his contempt for this sect's lack of balls and their blasphemous ways. This can be seen in his coverage of Hurricane Katrina, where he derides the Weathermen for their belief that the storm was caused not by God but by a unavoidable collision of a "high pressure system" with "warm tropical winds." Those wishing to see exactly what Dr. Colbert says about the Meteorologists should refer to his coverage of the Hurricane in This Week In God.
Meteorologists will often try to persuade normal, God-fearing Americans, God Bless America, that the natural disaster they just lived through was not, in fact, and act of God, but instead completely natural. They are characterized by being wrong about their so-called "area of expertiness" much more often than they are correct. This in itself proves that they are allied with the Baby Satan and other God-deniers.
Meteorologists in positions of power will often try to convince the general public that they are, in fact, gods. Unfortunately, this worked on the Canadians, which actually explains a whole lot about them. This is taken as further proof that the cult is allied with the Bears and possibly also the Robots and should be considered a threat to America.
Not to be confused with... Edit
Meteorologists should not be confused with Agnostics, although some of the core beliefs of the two cults are remarkably similar.
Neither should Meteorologists be confused with Seismologists. Weathermen deal exclusively with denying what God is throwing out of the sky, while Seismologists will talk of nothing but to deny when God in his mighty wrath shakes the earth.
- The cult is known to be allied with the Bears.
- Although Weathermen will try to persuade you differently, an IQ score of less than 60 is required to join the cult.
- Meteorologists are the sworn enemies of Pastafarians. This stems from the schism between the cults that the loss of pirates, and not natural forces, are the cause of global warming.
- Meteorologists are known members of the Vast Left-Wing Media Conspiracy
Meteorologists are united in their beliefs that natural forces, which they call "Climatic Systems" are the cause of all weather and natural disasters. They will vocally state that God does not cause these events. However, even a Weatherman finds himself at a loss to explain such acts of God as "tornadocanes" or snow in the Midwest in July.
The cult's members have an overwhelming belief that they are always right when they are speaking, although this is only the case about 25% of the time.
Meteorologists may or may not believe in an Afterlife; those that do, think that they will finally be 100% correct about the weather, all the time.