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has been granted full United States "citizenship"
for their donation to Republican causes.
America thanks you, Merck

Merck & Co. is a patriotic pharmaceutical company that manufactures medicines that help Americans feel better when they are sick. Merck works hard to take good care of America, and to try to get her feeling better fast! Would you like some soup, America? Do you need a kleenex? Merck will always be there to get you what you need.

Sometimes the FDA Makes MistakesEdit

Merck makes many, many helpful medicines to make America feel better. These medicines are tested - thoroughly tested, painstakingly tested - to make sure that they are safe for Americans to take before they enter the market. One part of the testing process involves having the FDA approve any and all medicines that Americans will be taking before they take them. Merck just provides the medicines and the results of its clinical trials; then, it is up to the FDA to approve the drugs that will help America feel better.

Sometimes the FDA makes mistakes.

Sometimes, the FDA says Merck should put Vioxx on the market, and let it become the best-selling drug in history. Sometimes that happens even though Vioxx isn't completely safe. We don't know why. Maybe the FDA inspector had a fight with her boyfriend that day and just wasn't paying attention. Maybe the FDA rushed through the Vioxx approval hoping to win approval from some of Merck's lobbyist friends. Most likely, the FDA is full of liberals who want Americans to suffer more heart attacks as a side-effect of taking Vioxx.

Whatever the reason, the FDA made a giant mistake, and failed to review all the evidence that Merck had not given them about the dangers of Vioxx, and some Americans died. Merck had to pay a lot of money and got treated really badly for a while. The FDA really fell down on that one.

But no worries! Merck will be back on top soon, with an all-new, reformulated, safer and more effective blend of a Vioxx-like drug (that's not Vioxx, of course), which the FDA will do a better job of reviewing as it rushes to market.

Look for it in your doctor's sample case soon!

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