Oh No!
Merciless Assassin
needs help fast!
Quick! Someone call the cavalry!

CIA photo of suspected Chinese Spy, taken outside White House.

Chinese spy installed just outside the United States, in Washington D.C.'s Washington D.C. Zoo. It is believed that a tracking device and hidden camera have been installed in the polar bear's head so that the Chinese can finally infiltrate the American infrastructure by watching idiots smear their faces up against glass to watch a polar bear take a shit. American culture at its finest.

This tactic has been used before, but not by the Chinese. Did you know Pamela Anderson was Canadian? Sorry my friend, those aren't perfect tits you're fantasizing about, they're state of the art Canadian intelligence equipment. This was probably the smartest thing that Canada has ever done (not a very difficult title to obtain). Don't install cameras in a polar bear. Put them in a pair of smokin tits and the entire population couldn't be more ready to spill ... American secrets of course. If you want my advice, get her and Tommy Lee back together. Not that that will fix the fact that Canada is spying on us, but we might as well get another sex tape out of it, right.

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