Meg was Stephen Colbert's water-taster until she was poisoned in the line of duty. She then died, and was later resurrected with the help of Stephen himself. He has the power to do that, you know...and the balls.
Meg was a girl. She was a tall, tall girl. She walked a lonely road strewn with broken dreams and forgotten socks. Meg was a warrior-woman-champion-avatar goddess on a holy mission. She took no guff. She took no wooden nickels. She took a short nap, and then she proceeded to stride in the aforementioned dramatic manner down the aforementioned lonely road.
Meg walked a lonely path. Meg traveled a twisting trail. Meg traversed a convoluted course. Meg voyaged in the vast wasteland. Insert musical montage here. Meg trudged a dusty dao thoughout the old west. frequently she had to use her kung-fu powers to pirrouette and dodge bullets. Meg faced each battle with a grim visage and a lip full of terbacky. Meg conquered all, and was the ultimate destroyer of life, but always used mercy. Meg was fighter, but nevertheless, she was all woman... or so we're told.
Meg made the flowers grow. She made puppies be born and live. Get your mind out of the gutter. Meg brought fire from mount olympus and fought the giant serpent beneath the earth so that the sun could rise. Meg, Raven, Coyote, Loki, Anansi and Jaguar threw fire into the sky and created the stars. Meg made me a man, and she can do the same for you, but she probably will not. Meg knew better than to mess around with guys like you.
Meg will be missed. Meg will be remembered. Meg will be immortalized. Meg will be eaten.
The ResurrectionEditOn November 7, 2006, Meg appeared in the Midterm Midtacular alive and well, despite her having died in the line of duty some weeks before. Was it the triumph of The Last Honest Man Joe Lieberman over the cut and runner Ned Lamont that foretold Meg's Lazurus-like rebirth? Did Joementum power her resurrection? Who are we to question His ways? The breath of humanity has once more been swept into her lungs. She has been restored to health and full good spirit, to continue to serve Stephen loyally (unless the job involves having sex with him).
Meg later gave Stephen's acceptance speech for his VH1 Big in '06 award, crying surrogate tears of joy on his behalf.
- Meg was dead. NOOOOOOOO! MEEEEGGGGG!
- The water that Meg died from was poisoned by Ned Lamont.
- The water was not poisoned by a pharmaceutical company testing a new drug.
- Meg was an intern for the show. She was required to sample the water to fulfill her intern duties.
- Meg is a true American hero, for she risked and gave her life so that Stephen may live. Good job Meg! Did you say hi to Jesus for us?
- Meg will not have sex with Stephen Colbert. Or you. But maybe me.
- Will be wearing her little black burqa to work from now on.
- She's very good at counting. She's lodged, what, one, two, three, at least four complaints against Stephen? She's also good for getting pencils.
- Meg has a tendency to call her lawyer.