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Matt Invents The InternetsEdit
He grabbed a section of hose from his family's farm in Podunk, Iowa and used it to delicately recite news stories to his neighbors. Matt's news reports became so popular, he left his small rural home to read news to people in The Big City.
The Drudge ReportEdit
- Help cure liberals.
- Fill the tubes with truthiness instead of sodomite videos.
- Provide relief for thousands of Americans suffering from "good, old-fashioned typewriter layout" nostalgia
- Helps Nikki Finke fill out all those comment forms at her internets tube.
Although his influence isn't as great as Papa Bear, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or Ann Coulter, he has been seen with them and has dedicated himself to the destruction of liberals and other enemy combatants.
Matt's Life in The Big CityEdit
Matt's Big BreakEdit
What Matt didn't realize was that The Big City was very much like an opera: people screamed at the top of their lungs about everything. And since Matt never went to anything gay he would never have known exactly how loud The Big City could be.
Matt set out to overcome the background noise with a tube of such magnitude he was able to scream news to all 5 boroughs.
And a star was born.
Matt's Influence on The InternetsEdit
Everything Matt does, everyone else has copied. From his infallible investigative reporting to his huge internets tube (did we mention The Drudge Report?), Matt has pioneered the blogosphere for America and unborn Americans.
Thank you, Matt. And God Bless America.