Matt Damon

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Poster stolen from Matt Damon's bedroom that he shares with life partners Ben Affleck and Jennifer Gardner.

Matt Octavian Damon is an "American" screen and stage actor who was born in an unknown quadrant between Pluto, the non-planet, and Neptune, the god of the ocean. Damon is known for several roles such as the pompous douchebag, star in Good Will Hunting and those awful Bourne something films.

He is lifelong friends with Ben Affleck and shares a bedroom in his Alaskan mountain home with Affleck, Jennifer Gardner, and future president Bristol Palin. They are not mormons in practice, just deaf. "All is fair in love and war" has been misconstrued as "all is four in love and war".

The movie star/spy, Damon, is a very patriotic soul. Aside from killing commies onscreen, he supports his New England Patriots by heading a Nuke Kansas committee, due to the nefarious Kansas City Chiefs. The Cheifs, with the exception of renowned running back Dwayne Bowe, are known for slaughtering innocent squirrels and dancing on park benches in nothing but flip flops and fedoras. Damon woud have Kansas destroyed and Mexico annexed to preserve the 50 states of these semi-United States of America.

Facts about Matt Damon:

There are no such things as facts about Matt Damon because he is a computer engineered being that doesn't exist in reality. The story of his existence is told through the emotional rollercoaster of a movie, Inception.

For further details see Leonardo DiCaprio.

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