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|The Okay State of MARYLAND |
|Capitol:||Baltimore. Some may say it's Annapolis but Baltimore feels right.|
|State Flower:||The Crabolia|
|State Animal:||some giant tortoise no one knows about|
|State Motto:||Can't touch this Virginia|
|Nickname:||WE GOT CRABS!|
|Governor:||Who cares its probably some bear hugging liberal.|
|State Anthem:||Maryland My MarySTDland|
|Population:||5.6 million closet liberals with STDs.|
|Standard MPH:||2 MPH in bad weather, 187 MPH in good weather|
|Principal imports:||liberal bureaucrats commuting to DC|
|Principal exports:||Ironically, Crabs|
|Principal industries:||Democrat propaganda|
|Fun Fact # 1:||Despite the Wedding Crashers quote "Crabcakes and Football! That's what Maryland does!", Maryland does not have much of a football tradition, and the crab harvesting industry is weakening.|
|Fun Fact # 2:||Smoking in Md. is a felony (meaning cigarettes, not crack). Visitors should leave all tobacco products at the border checkpoint, where they may be retrieved upon exit with the proper receipt and paperwork.|
|Fun Fact # 3:||Maryland is for haters because Virginia is for lovers.|
Maryland (Virginia's hat) is technically part of the American Southern Heartland, being as it is below the Mason-Dixon line. However, liberals intent on using the federal government to control Americans have flooded the state and made the District of Columbia (technically not part of the United States) flood across it's border into Maryland.
Maryland was founded in the 1600s as a colony where English Catholics could flee if they happened to dislike the imminent threat of torture and painful death that awaited them in Britain.
Maryland was a desert wasteland for millions of years until the Virgin Mary came over and FINALLY got laid. 9 months later a baby was born and fertility streamed out of Mary's womb.
Maryland today mainly consists of:
- Liberal bureaucrats in DC suburbs
- Crack addicts in Baltimore
- Maryland blue crabs
- And a couple of Wal-Marts
Maryland is currently planning on invading Delaware so it can take back its shoreline.
- The shot tower in downtown Baltimore... correction anybody entering the city will become a landmark as they are soon to be shot due to excessive crack addicts, heroin, crabs(not the kind you want to eat from the bay), and STDs.
- Memorial Stadium This is the penultimate memorial to all of the crack and heroin addicts who have died of overdoses. It was destroyed accidentally by a crack addict a few years ago.
- Fort McHenry Babe Ruth's old house in which he battled the Boston Red Sox so that he didn't have to move to that stinkin' Yankee town unfortunately he lost and created the saying OH HENRY and ate too many Baby Ruths and this is where it all started.
- Potomac RiverThe place in Maryland. If you live here you must be just as rich as William Gates himself so all their homes might as well be a landmark.
- Francis Scott Key, who received the Star Spangled Banner from God.
- Elaine Benis
- Harriette Tubman - she stole abuncha property from Maryland plantations.
A Typical Day in MarylandEdit
A typical Marylander will begin his day with a bottle of malt liquor and some lake trout. After laying around the house for several hours he will eventually make his way to court. He will be locked up, as a bench warrant will have already been issued for him. However, after giving a brief apology he will be released and given probation in his case. After this he will go out and celebrate, usually by using drugs and shooting his handgun up in the air. In the evening, he might car jack someone. He will then spend a few hours hanging out on his porch engaging in very loud conversation before going to sleep.