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Al Franken
Marxism has earned
People Who Are in Cults

A Marxist is a person who has not accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior, following instead the teaching of Karl Marx, or Marxism.

Origin Of MarxismEdit

Founded by Mr. and Mrs. Marx, Karl's parents, sometime back in the 1810's.

What Marxists BelieveEdit

Marxists are split into several factions: those that believe in the necessary self-implosion of Capitalism (whose holy book is "Das Kapital"), and those who beleive in heavy tattooing (the holy Marx of the Flesh.) A third splinter faction believe in Trade Marx, which are part of the Communist-Marxist Plot to undermine American freedom and liberty, God Bless America. These were originally called Traitor Marx, but the group was successfully rebranded in the early 1900s. This group maintains a registry of their holy images, so it should be fairly easy for the Heroes to root them out.

The group responsible for Marxism has been very successful, as at least one sect is represented in every culture's traditions. This points to heavy involvement by the Bears, the G15, Wall Street, and most definitely Hedge Funds.

Professor Elizabeth Warren speaks about the Consumer Financial Protection Agency07:34

Professor Elizabeth Warren speaks about the Consumer Financial Protection Agency

Relugations: A Marxist wet dream

Creation MythEdit

Marxists believe that all men are created equal, and should share equally in the fruits of their labour and production. This is obviously a myth, just look around you. Dr. Colbert often points out that he was born more equal than everybody else, which is the ultimate proof.

Flood StoryEdit

According the main Marxist holy book, the world will be destroyed in periodic cycles according to the internal contradictions of unchecked competition and greed within the Capitalist system, flooding the world with debt and leaving nothing to share equally. This is commonly referred to in Marxist-adherent countries as Hell Freezing Over. You can see why the Bears are behind this - with their big, furry coats they are well-equipped to survive the floods and the freezing-over of Hell. Especially given that Polar Bears thrive in ice-covered regions like Canada, one of the foremost Marxist-adherent countries.


Afterlife MythEdit

Marxist RitualsEdit

Modern MarxismEdit

Famous MarxistsEdit

  • Alan Greenspan, for pointing out to Congress that his Uber-marxist half-brother Karl wrote the book on Capitalism, which is the rulebook by which Capitalism functions, and that the primary flaw in Capitalism is unchecked greed, in order to promote and increase sales of the textbook "Das Kapital". This may explain the Federal Reserve under Clinton.
  • Karl Marx. Duh, it's named after him, and he invented Capitalism, which is just another Communist-Marxist plot.
  • Al Franken. Is there any nefarious Liberal plot he's not involved in?
  • Marx and Spencer
  • Marky Marx (and the funky bunch)
  • The Marx Brothers (Groucho, Harpo, Zeppo, Alan, Karl, Marky, and Chico)
  • Richard Marx
  • The former currencies of Germany and seven other countries.
  • The Baby Satan - there's a reason they call them the Marx of the Beast.
  • Neighbors of the Baby Satan, whose Marx are 664 and 668
  • Credit Cards. All registered credit card numbers begin with 666, clearly one of the Marx of the Beast, which makes them his propery.
  • The G15, Federal Reserve, World Bank, and IMF, and all other Bear-related organizations.

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