makes The Baby Jesus sad.
Does your mother know you read these filthy liberal myths?
Al Franken
Marx has earned
The Baby Satan has a special place in hell for
and YOU just for visiting this internets tube!


composed at least one non-audiobook book.

Karl Marx is the gutless founder of communism and the incarnation of Satan. He is a liberal, marijuana-smoking, bear-loving, Democrat-voting, Jesus-hating, non-American gutless robot. He wrote strange and terrible books, and as if that alone wasn't bad enough, the books say democracy isn't the best. Marx is oblivious to the world around him, and cannot see what is best for the world. According to him, everyone should be equal. This means Americans and Saddam Hussein are the same, and is most obviously false.

Marx's Bearitage is very obvious in this photo

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

Marx is french for cut and run

The Life of Marx Edit

Marx was the result of an unholy union between a Jew and a Bear who was born on the 6th hour of the 6th of June, an evil omen if I've ever seen one. As an adult, he voted Democrat and acknowledged the existence of Africa. After many failed attempts, Marx had a surgery to remove his gut so he could write more books. Marx also began a religion named after him; Marxism. If that doesn't piss off Jesus, I don't know what does!

Marx as a young child

Marx grew a moustache to try and gain more power and influence, but it just wasn't enough for people to take him seriously. He grew up in Russia, making fast friends with Stalin, Winnie The Pooh, and Jimmy Carter, and learning to hate liberty and Stephen Colbert. He lived in a desolate cabin in the freezing cold, writing books for his entire life, leading to the myth that he is actually a robot.

Main Points of Marx Edit

Marx thought people were expendable energy sources; fuel for the communist cause. Sometimes, on a bad day, he would eat children, not because they were tasty, but because it needed to be done. He also thought Russia had potential, and America had the wrong idea. This is about four different kinds of stupid.

Marx wrote many books trying to discredit Stephen Colbert and the Colbert Report, which was ultimatly his downfall. His main argument was that America, which was experiencing an "obesity crisis" (experts are still not sure if such a thing exists), had too much gut for their own good. According to Marx, because of their large guts, America was evolving into superhuman machines, and Dr. Colbert was leading them to their own destruction. Luckily for America, the New York Times praised his books, which turned the world off taking Marx seriously.

Marx's ReligionEdit


The logo of modern Marxism

Marxism is the worship of Satan, pure and simple. Marxists support gay marriage, North Korea, and evolution. Although most of them are still in Russia, a few have infiltrated themselves into American ranks, trying to corrupt our youth. Marxism's version of the Bible is called the hateus americos, in which people are told to believe in one Marx, one son of Marx, and the divine Marxy powers. The Vatican is still trying to sue the Marxiologists over this phrase, which was copyrighted by Jesus.

Marx and Bears Edit


the logo of Marx's bear bodyguards... the nemesises of liberty

Marx has a personal army, composed entirely of bears. These hairy liberals fought off many different assassination attempts by Donald Rumsfeld, who really hated Marx, and decided to stay the course until Marx was dead. Luckily, Rumsfeld threw the French at the bears at the time, so it wasn't a great loss.

Eventually, the bears turned against Marx and killed him, which just goes to prove you can't trust them.

Marx factoids Edit

  • Marx and Hitler were close friends
  • The novel Dracula is actually based on the life of Marx. Nobody has ever read the novel because it is only in book form, and we all know Americans don't read.
  • Marx's beard is actually his brain slowly dripping out his chin
  • He is actually a bear in disguise, just a very poorly disguised one. I mean, look at all that hair!
  • Marx is the last boss in World of Colbertcraft
  • Ted Stevens took funding away from Katrina victims so he could discredit Marx's grandchildren. It was communism's most crushing defeat and Senator Stevens' greatest legacy.
  • Marx was not named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive 2006.

Good Points about Marx Edit

  • He died.
  • He made communism look stupid.
  • He creampied and facialed 3000 bears in one day

Effects of Karl Marx Edit

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

Marx is the father of Michael Moore?

Counter-effects of Karl Marx Edit

See Also Edit

gives aid and comfort to America's enemies. As A True American™,
it is your duty to report Marx to the authorities.
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!

BEARsqu   Bears   BEARsqu
Ursa  | Winnie The Pooh  | Yogi Bear  | Colbear  | Smokey The Bear
Polar bears  | Pizzly  | Polar Grizzly  | Koala  | Panda Bear  | Bats
Vampbear  | BearSharks  | Bipolar Bear  | Care Bears  | Roller bear
Bear baiting  | Bear is driving  | Bearism  | Great Bear Incident  | The Left Wing Madness

External TubesEdit

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