has been approved for use in the "Leave No Child's Behind Abstinent Only"
Abstinence-Training Curriculum.
Using this tube of the internets will preserve your virginality.
Baby Jesus
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

Stephen Colbert can hook you lonely congressmen up? He even hooked-up Hate America Firster, robot-loving Hollywood liberal Brad Sherman. Yet another reason to appear on The Colbert Report.

The Holy bonding of a MAN and a WOMAN[1]. Anything else erodes the foundation of marriage, religion, morales, democracy, America, freedom, and one assumes the laws of physics as well.

Origin of MarriageEdit

When God placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden 6,000 years ago, he did not want them to live in sin or nakedness, so he had them get married first. None of this living together for a while first to see if they get along, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is GOD we're talking about.

So gone were the fig leaves and apples and here come the tuxedo and wedding gown. White wedding gown. Just the way Billy Idol wanted it.

Marriage throughout HistoryEdit


Famous MarriagesEdit

  • Newt Gingrich and #3
  • Ronald Reagan and #2

Famous Successful MarriagesEdit

  • The Republican Party and the Religious Right
  • General Hospital's Luke and Laura

Examples of UnAmerican MarriagesEdit

  • Ugly Dutch Guy-2 Fat Bisexual Dutch Women
  • Man-Man
  • Drew Carey-That Goofy Scottish Guy Who Took Over Craig Kilborn's CBS Show
  • Any other Marriage Which Takes Place Just So One of The Two Can Get a Green Card
  • Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes (let's hope it doesn't happen) (let's hope it ends soon)
  • Woman-Snake
  • Man-Dog (or other animal)
  • Woman-Woman
  • Woman-Dog (or other animal, even though in a sad way, its kinda hot)
  • Man-car
  • Gay Man-Lesbian Woman
  • Man-bear-pig
  • Grizzly-Polar Bear
  • Woman-sewing machine (or whatever the hell the womens do all day)
  • Neighbor-Box Turtle
  • Oprah-Baby Jesus

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

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