Governor Mark Sanford was the Democratic (if Fox News says it, it must be true) governor of South Carolina when Dr. Colbert "Better Knew" him for his new segment, Better Know A Governor on January 21, 2008.
Governor Sanford was also the Chairman of the Republican Governors Association, but when the Association found out that Sanford was actually a Democrat, he was kicked out and told never to come back!
January 21, 2008 Better KnowingEditSouth Carolina flag does not have pictures of slaves on it
- did not disagree with Dr. Colbert when he asserted that Protestants are heretics
- if he ever found himself on Death Row, his BBQ sauce pick would be "mustard"
Out And Proud Of His Exciteless OrientationEdit
Mark is incredibly boring. He hopes one day to be compared to a manilla envelope glued to a beige wall.
One can assume that his love of solitude is in pursuit of that dream.
Good luck, Mark. We hope you can achieve the pinnacle of your blandest dreams.
Ties To Terrorists?Edit
Governor Sanford has some 'splaining to do.
It seems he has a terrorist in his past, and we're not talking one of those swarthy, mustachioed Arabs, no.
It seems the liberal beast tricked Marky-Mark to work against education!
But, the time is now to admit your mistake.
Where in The World is Mark Sanford?Edit
Since June 18, 2009 Mr. Sanford mysteriously disappeared without a single word to anyone. We suspect that Mr. Sanford was kidnapped by bearrorists and are seeking...
According with official sources, Mr. Sanford decided to leave his office to spend more time with his family...
Since June 18, Mr. Sanford has decided that he wanted to spend more time with himself. He is at the moment hiking the Appalachian Trail and wont be returning until next week. Liburals have accused Mr. Sanford of neglecting his official duties as a Governor. Hey! Leave the man alone! Mr. Sanford needs to take a long rest after being forced to
accept the stimulus package go into State Welfare.
Update (June 24, 2009): Mark Sanford Returns from Argentina!Edit
(Wait, what the hell was he doing in Argentina???) ~ Mutopis
Mr. Sanford returned from his trip to Argentina,
after sleeping the Father's Day weekend snorting coke off an underage hookers' asses after spending his days doing "Tango" and taking long walks on the beatch.
When Mr. Sanford returned from his trip, he was surrounded by a mob of reporters in the airport expecting a response as to why he abandoned the people of South Carolina for a few days. For his response, Mr. Sanford started to sing:
When I try to explain how I feel
that I still need your vote after all that I've done♫♪
♫♪You won't believe me
All you will see is a gov you once knew
Unemployment rate higher than nine
Still no stimulus for you♫♪
♫♪I had to let it happen, I had to go
Legislative sessions making me feel low
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun♫♪
♫♪So I chose freedom
Buenos Aires, prostitutes and blow
I never went hiking at all
Did you really expect me to♫♪
♫♪Don't cry for me Carolina
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My sad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance♫♪
♫♪And as for hookers, as for cocaine
I just invited them in
A few days with them was all I desired♫♪
♫♪They are illusions
They are not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you vote for me♫♪
♫♪Don't cry for me Carolina ...♫♪
♫♪Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is support me
Lyrics by aissle
|Maria’s reply to Mr. Sanford|
~"Dont Cry For Me Sanford"
|According with our sources, Maria was there during 9/11… SHE IS A TERRORIST!!!!|
Mr. Sanford is in love!! Please leave the poor guy alone, at least he wasnt messing with a hooker or a Congressional page.
The Future for Mark SanfordEdit
Mr. Sanford expressed and interest in starting his own Emo band, after he was told that his emails showed some potential (really, it does have potential!). Many agree that he is just too emo for politics...
Sadly he has since slithered into congress beating out Busch-Colbert.
When asked for opinion our beloved Stephen merely said "Fuck Mark Sanford."
Mark Sanford's Other WomenEdit
It has come to our attention that Mark Sanford may have more than one mistress in the past...
bastard! Where does he find these women?? I cant even get a date!
I just wanna say to him. YU DA MAN!
I mean, sure he
betrayed extended the sacred union of a man and a woman... with other women. But at least he didnt betray that union with another man. Plus Sanford is reinforcing that sacred union with other women, that way he has multiple unions! After all God said "to go forth and multiply", so Sanford went to Argentina (and possibly other foreign countries) and "Allegedly" multiplied with other women... can we blame him for being a devoted Christian?
Mark Sanford's Secret HaremEdit
In a bombshell interview he told reporters "I'm a bottom".
Emergency Wrist: Mark Sanford victim of Wrist Violence!!Edit
Mark Sanford has become the latest victim of wrist violence! When will it end???
- Sanford's secret emails
- Sanford No Longer Featured On Values Voter Summit Site
- What Argentina thinks of their new American friend
- How Sanford got a free travel to Argentina!
- Facts about Mr. Sanford
- Mark Sanford, SC first Emo governor
- Mark Sanford and his Emo Band
- Mark Sanford is long lost twin of King David! The Real King of the Joos has returned!
- Maria has something to say!
- more emails... wait a minute! You are not Mark Sanford!
- Mark Sanford and his many women... THE HELL? How many mistresses does this bastard has???
- Is Official: Mark Sanford has his own Harem, but proclaims never had sex with them Woah, man... details! I demand details!!... so I can properly judge, of course.
- Mark Sanford's political Eulogy
- How Gay Marriage destroyed Mark Sanford's Marriage
- old joo tired of Mark Sanford's sexual affair
- Mark Sanford bright future as a Romance Novelist
- Suddenly Mark Sanford doesnt look bad by comparison
- Mark Sanford is actually a Secret Agent!
- Can you hear me now?
- Mark Sanford's Fiscal Conservative Legacy
- Mark Sanford uses efficient methods to save time!
- Mark Sandord spends more time with family...
wait, he was serious about that???
- Libural Media wants to impeach Mark Sanford!
- God to testify Sanford's good christian character
- Mark Sanford is a Secret Agent, Baby!
- Mark Sanford suffers from "Mouth Disease" cannot shut mouth from speaking libural facts
- Lady to leave for Appalachian Trail
- Mark Sanford's replacement promises to clean SC as soon as she returns from her Appalachian Trail hiking
- Mark Sanford continues to travel the Appalachian Trail
- Mark Sanford getting a booty call