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Before Mario became a Video Game celebrity, he did some porn under the name of “Ron Jeremy”…
(I believe this is what they call Eye-cancer…)

350px-Paper Stalin

General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Nintendo Union.

Mario is the president of Nintendo, and appears in most of their games. He has been a plumber, a doctor, a party-goer, a kart racer, etc. His most recent accomplishment is the Nintendo Wii.


Despite common beliefs, Mario doesn't actually have an M.D., like House. Nor did he ever beat the other (less popular) Mario at F-1. Despite even more common beliefs, he doesn't party like it's 1999 either.

Recently, Mario visited another galaxy in SuperMario Galaxy. He collected 60 stars and won the game, and then the sons of bitches at nintendo said he had to go back and get another 180 stars to beat the game. He took out his anger on the American public by releasing Mario Strikers Charged, a game with Mario and soccer, America's other favorite sport behind all the good ones.

His greatest achievement will be SuperSmash bros. Brawl, in which he takes over 30 nintendo people and fights all of them. Unfortunately, he never wins and the entire universe is taken over by Bowser, who can only be described as a fire breathing bear turtle with spikes on his back. Bowser is constantly trying to get with Mario's girl Peach, making him the horniest world leader since pre-ugly Eleanor FDR.

Mario first appeared in Donkey Kong, where he climbed a bunch of ladders while jumping over barrels. What exactly that had to do with being a plumber, no one knows for sure. It also introduced his brother, Luigi, who was identical to him but green.

Nowadays, Mario can also be found in PaperMario. This is one of Mario's other great achievements. He singlehandedly made one of the highest rated games ever by going backward with technology ten years or so. Touchee my little Italian, I think, friend.

Ties to CommunismEdit

Revolt Against Your Roots by ScumPudding


The People's Mario02:13

The People's Mario

Comrade Mario, is that you?

Despite his capitalist success, rumors persist that Mario used and still is a secret commie. Some believe that Mario is awaiting for the return of his missing brother Luigi, to further their communist agenda by using Nintendo to brainwash our American children into communist doctrine.


  • Link
  • Yoshi
  • Kirby
  • God
  • Jesus
  • Master Chief
  • Chuck Norris


  • Sonic
  • Radioactive Communist Bee Bears
  • Satan
  • Osama Bin Laden
  • PlayStation 3
  • Xbox 360


  • Bowser

External TubesEdit

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