Marilyn Monroe
Is an Uber Hottie and you are not! She makes The Baby Jesus stand at attention.
You may look, but do not touch. Unless Stephen Colbert has Nailed her first.
Marilyn Monroe
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.

Marilyn Monroe was a true icon of all-American hotness, the measure by which teenage girls for years afterward would strive to fall short of. She also well-known for boinking the President doing her her civic duty.

Riding the Hollywood BicycleEdit

She was born Norma Jean Peterson, thus becoming the only physically attractive person in history to be named "Norma". After changing her name, she screwed worked her way to the top of the business by giggling a lot and standing over radiators.

Worst taste in men, everEdit

Baby Jesus
The Baby Jesus and The Baby Satan
are fighting over the very soul of
Marilyn Monroe

Ms. Monroe's life was not all short skirts and flowers, however. This once daisy fresh country girl was soon corrupted when she married hoity toity writer Arthur Miller (just the same, nice job there, Artie). Miller tricked her into posing for filthy pictures in Playboy, appearing in think-y movies, and serenading (if that's what you want to call it) John F. Kennedy (along with Bobby, Teddy, and hell, probably Ethel). Before you knew it, those evil Kennedys got the poor girl hooked on drugs, and killed her to stop her from revealing the truth about the Moon Landing.


  • Ms. Monroe is proof positive that you don't need to use your brain to make it in the world.
  • She had a little known tryst with serial killer Charles Manson, producing Marilyn Manson.
  • She has been dead for 50 years — and is still hotter than you.

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