Margaret Spellings

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Margaret Spellings
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
White House
Margaret Spellings
is the cabinet post or job
of the United States of America

Margaret Spellings (S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G-S) is the Secretary of Education for the Greatest Administration Ever! She is responsible for making sure that no child gets Left Behind, as well as for making sure that America's schools are accountable. "Accountable" means that America's children and their teachers must show that they are meeting certain benchmarks for improvement, or they will not receive the funding they have been allotted by Congress. This only makes sense. You pay taxes, and you deserve to know that your money is not being wasted on frivolous educational expenses when it could be put to more efficient uses elsewhere.

Secretary Spellings gets the concept of "accountability" because she is an It-Getter. She also gets that the real function of America's schools is not to teach "facts" as much as it is to impart values. Anyone can learn facts, but only Americans have good old fashioned American values. We must ensure that our children receive those values, in order to secure their futures, and to maintain our status as a superpower. Who will think of the children?

Why, Margaret Spellings, of course. That's why The Greatest President Ever made her Secretary of Education! That, and he thought it would make a good "funny" since her name is "Spellings". Get it? "Spellings"?? Because it's ... education??? Ya get it, dontcha??? Spellings?? Heh. That's a good one....

July 22, 2008 NailingEdit


  • the kids are the future of our country
  • no federally mandated spanking
    • considers trying that
  • schools are sanctioned for underperforming students
  • scores are up
  • on the right track
  • must do better faster
  • Dr. Colbert has the courage to will leave more children behind
    • the kid who smells like bologna
  • She has the nerve to accuse Dr. Colbert of smelling like bologna, and it brings Stephen to tears


  • Number of Bush's other top achievements she was able to name in addition to NCLB: 0
  • When asked what happens to the schools that don't get better, her response was truly Reagan-like: she said "well" and changed the subject to minorities for some reason.

See AlsoEdit

Tube SourcesEdit

Margaret Spellings
is a Proud Republican Goddess
God Bless America
"Margaret Spellings"
has been approved for use in the "Leave No Child's Behind Abstinent Only"
Abstinence-Training Curriculum.
Using this tube of the internets will preserve your virginality.

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