Malcolm I

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Malcolm I fighting off the 23rd alien invasion of Earth.

Malcolm I was the first gentleman to carry the title of Malcolm

Becoming the MalcolmEdit

As a young black man, Chaniqua had always sought adventure and public speaking opportunities. As a sufferer from schizophrenia, he often felt held back or limited in the things that he could do. He was cruising in his motorboat through the canals of New Orleans one day when he spotted a pale white arm reaching up out of the muddy depths, a shining sabre held aloft in its hand. Although he was concerned, Chaniqua's surprise at seeing anything with white skin in the Big Easy was far greater. It was more out of shock than anything else that he drove his craft towards the mysterious limb and the weapon it held out into the heavy, wet air.

It was at this point that Chaniqua began to hear voices in his head. They told him to take the sabre and command its power, but to leave the arm be. Because Chaniqua was rather fed up with hearing voices in his head by now, he deliberately ignored them and hoisted the entire arm up into his boat. He found that it came up out of the water with surprising ease, owing a great deal to the fact that there was no body attached to it. With his right hand on the steel of the sabre, he vomited many times and became the first Malcolm: Malcolm I.

Dazed and confused by his new power as Malcolm I, the young man decided to follow the voices in his head all the way up to Tennessee before deciding "screw this" and shutting them out again. However, the voices had given him one understanding: he was the Malcolm, warrior for civil rights. He began a long succession of deeds that would inspire no less than nine generations to come.

Major AchievementsEdit

He was the first Malcolm. Duh. He fought for civil rights and defended the Earth from its twenty-third alien invasion. It was Malcolm I who advised John Adams, then President of the United States of America, to sign the Alien Act and the Sedition Act into law. These two measures would inspire the PATRIOT Act and the Military Commissions Act some centuries down the long road of American history. He was then thrown out of the White House and continued his crusade in the name of civil rights.


Malcolm I in his advancing age, seen here starring in the period film Amistad (colorized in 1967 by popular demand).

Devising a Method for Replicating the RitualEdit

Malcolm I had taken many apprentices, but his most promising follower was a young black man named Deiondre. As Malcolm I grew old, he realized that he would need to find a way of passing the torch - or sabre, as it were - on to this spirited leader of the next generation of black civil rights advocates. He made the historic decision to draw upon his experience of becoming the Malcolm as inspiration.

After experimenting illegally on several cadavers of black slaves who had been whipped to death for disobedience, Malcolm I struck upon a flawless and gruesomely realistic way to recreate the way that he had taken his title. He tested it on himself, slicing off his own right arm, sabre gripped tightly in its attached hand, with a thresher blade and soaking it in hydrogen peroxide to bleach it white. After leaving it somewhere that Deiondre would find it, he died of shock and blood loss.

It was for this great cause that the first Malcolm sacrificed himself. His successors and heirs to the title of Malcolm would also find suitably glorious and symbolic ways to die.

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