The Baby Satan has a special place in hell for
Magical Machines
and YOU just for visiting this internets tube!
Magical Machines
makes The Baby Jesus sad.
Does your mother know you read these filthy liberal myths?

Magical Machines are creations used to hurt and mock The Baby Jesus. Liberals create them using science, and they break every known law of God and The Republican Party. Magical Machines are only to be used to keep people alive when by all intents and purposes they should have died a looong time ago.

They are a disgrace to Ma, Pa, and apple pie.

How to build oneEdit

Get a sheet, cut a hole in it, and view your monitor through the hole. That's about as far as I got before I tore up the manual (half of it is in Japanese, anyway).

Magical MachinesEdit

  1. Telescopes: there is no such thing as a big bang, so stop looking.
  2. Microscopes: if God wanted you to live, you would live, there would be no little creatures trying to suppress your immune system.
  3. X-ray Machines: your bones are inside your skin for a reason, you pervert.
  4. Thermometer: anything that goes up the butt, is an abomination.
  5. The internets: I defy you to spend more that half an hour on the internets without finding porn.
  6. Calculators: If you cant do it in your head, its not worth doing.
  7. Radio: Air America.
  8. Home Computers: Anything that can think faster than you is inherently wrong.

Abandon Truthiness All Ye Who Enter This Internets Tube!
"Magical Machines"
discusses one of the Liberal's Magical Machines.
Magical Machines
gives aid and comfort to America's enemies. As A True American™,
it is your duty to report Magical Machines to the authorities.

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