Long Island
has become TOO RANDOM
it needs a complete rewrite in order to remove all the randomness.
Please edit this page so that it fits in "The Stephen Colbert Experience" Thank You.

Long Island is long. And it's an Island. That's what I'm talking about.

Basic InformationEdit

Long Island is an island-kingdom in New York, USA ruled by two County Executives. It has an area of 1,377 square miles (3567 km²) and a population of 7.536 million, making it the largest island in the continental United States and the most populous in any U.S. state or territory. It is the 17th most populous island in the world, ahead of Ireland, Jamaica and the Japanese island of Hokkaido. True to its name, the island is much longer than it is wide, jutting out some 118 miles (190 km) from New York Harbor, with only from 12 to 20 miles (32 km) between the southern Atlantic coast and Long Island Sound. The Native American name for Long Island is Paumanok, meaning "The Island that Pays Tribute" -- more warlike tribes in the surrounding areas forced the relatively peaceful Long Islanders to give tributes and payment to avoid attacks. Those war-like tribes were run by bears. The reason why they never invaded is because bears hate the sands of Long Island's many beaches in their paws.

County GovernmentsEdit

Long Island is ruled by two County Executives. Tom Suozzi (D) is the ruler of Nassau County and Steve Levy(D, R and everything except Pokemon) is the ruler of Suffolk County. While the liberal democrats maintain control over Nassau, the Suffolk Republicans decided to be smart. They decided Steve Levy deserved the position of County Executive by divine right and endorsed his re-election campaign in 2007. Steve Levy won by 96% of the vote. The other 4% was a write in campaign for the Pokemon Jigglypuff. Suffolk County residents were too smart to fall for Jigglypuff's cuteness. Steve Levy is so powerful, the Suffolk County Legislature is putting forth proposals to rid the county of its police force and just let Steve patrol the county by himself without firearms.

Get It RightEdit

On the western part of Long Island are the New York City boroughs of Brooklyn (Kings County) and Queens (Queens County). To the east are Nassau and Suffolk counties. However, colloquial usage of the term "Long Island" or "the Island" usually refers only to the suburban and rural Nassau and Suffolk counties; the more urban Brooklyn and Queens are omitted as they are part of New York City. That's right. New York City does not count when referring to Long Island. It doesn't exist. It's like Carrot Top at an Oscar Party.

Greatest TownshipEdit

The Town of Brookhaven is currently the greatest Township on Long Island. With a population close to half a million and a land area bigger than Rhode Island, Brookhaven is the crown jewel of Long Island. Brookhaven Township is run by a Supervisor and six Town Council members. The Town Supervisor is Brian X. Foley.

Why Long Island is the Atom-BizzombEdit

Long Island is known for its affluence and high quality of life. According to the 2000 Census, Nassau County is the second richest county per capita in New York State and the sixth richest in the United States. Suffolk County is known for the many communities located on its beaches, including the world-renowned Hamptons.

Demographics and CrimeEdit

Long Island is also known for its strong middle class accenting a strong dedication to hard work, suburban homeownership, investment in schools and education, and "soccer moms and dads" who are strongly committed to family living and local community events. Many of these are second (or third) generation families who had originally come from Brooklyn and Queens, seeking the space and tranquility of the early suburbs. In particular, a strong Brooklyn orientation remains among many of these families.

According to the FBI's Crime Index, Long Island (Nassau-Suffolk) has the second lowest crime rate in the United States.

Long Island is populated by the offspring of the huddled masses who immigrated from strange lands to the west, namely Queens and Brooklyn. These people are akin to, though slightly more evolved than those who migrated west to Staten Island and New Jersey.

Notable People From Long IslandEdit

All You Need to Know Edit

Long Island is absolutely the best place in the world. The best standard of living and adjacent to the best city in the world

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