Lindsay Lohan
Was an Uber Hottie but has committed an act of Hottie Treason!
She has angered Stephen Colbert and made The Baby Jesus cry.
She is banished to Hell to be Martha Stewart's hand maiden.

Lindsay Lohan


Your Naughty buttocks will suffer from the wrath of her Riding Crop!
Despite what you may have heard
Lindsay Lohan
Is totally not lesbionic!
Lindsay Lohan,
when you touch yourself you make The Baby Jesus sad!
Keep your hands where we can see them!

Lindsay Lohan
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.
Lindsay Lohan
Is totally FUBAR (F##cked Up Beyond All Recognition)
and is shunned by Stephen Colbert and The Baby Jesus

Ms. Lohan contemplates her patriotic duty

Lindsay Lohan (aka inmate #2409752) used to be a Real American and Real Americans LOVED Lindsay Lohan. Unfortunately, LL has been temporarily compromised by the parasitic values of Hollywood and joined the Anti Panty League along with Britney Spears. She has also recently joined the “Bat-Shit-Insane-League”, possibly due to association with the "People Who Don’t Know What to Do with Money and Fame Consortium".

We all have “High” hopes Lohan will settle down and find a nice Republican boy to marry, possibly someone who edits patriotic, God-fearing online encyclopedias such as

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“I’ve been trying to go to Iraq […] I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did, when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops by herself. It’s so amazing seeing one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who’s basically a pinup, which is what I’ve always aspired to be.”
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~ America’s Darling
-in an interview with Elle magazine.


Lindsay Lohan has admitted to a lesbian affair with Samantha Ronson. She has also been given the gay by shaking hands with Lance Bass.


  • Has red hair, green eyes, huge natural boobs, and legs that don’t stop!
  • Is from Long Island, New York
  • Is currently the greatest role model for young girls
  • Is Irish because she's drunk
  • Has a great sense of humor!?
Beer gut
Lindsay Lohan
is a drunk.

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