If you work hard, you'll get ahead as a

Librarians work in libraries with books all day long, seven days a week, 365 days a year. It's no wonder they're so paranoid.


The Sexy Librarian. God’s most rarest species of Nerd.

What Do Librarians Do?Edit

They hide things.

"Librarians are hiding something.™"

What is that something, you ask? Probably Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Why are they hiding that particular book? because they don't want religious nutjobs taking them out and burning them, because Harry Potter frigging rules.

And they (librarians) rule the world. Really. I mean it.

They are the enemy of John Ashcroft. John Ashcroft is not IRTFW. Librarians are.

Who Can Become A Librarian?Edit


Suddenly I feel an urge to return back my books…

Dorks, geeks, dweebs and the occasional milf.

What Education Does A Librarian Need?Edit

MLS: Masters of Little Significance. Or maybe a Masters of Library Science. Don't forget the PhD in 19th century French history and JD (never passed the bar), and the MFA in creative writing. The MLS came after the realization hits that you are qualified for nothing but knowing obscure facts. And running the world.

What Special Equipment Do Librarians Need?Edit

Where Do Librarians Work?Edit

  • The CIA

How Much Money Do Librarians Make?Edit

Just enough to put them above the poverty line--and pay off the five advanced degrees earned prior to the MLS.

Life as a LibrarianEdit

Stress, nothing but stress

See AlsoEdit

External LinksEdit

Librarians are hiding something™

© 2007 Stephen Colbert, All Rights Reserved. This catchphrase was coined on the March 26, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report.

Used with permission. The information contained in this Official Honorable Professor Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A trademarked catch phrase may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in any form without the prior written authority of Viacom.

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