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Leo Strauss : George W. Bush :: The Emperor : Darth Vader (thats right Straussian political philosophers secretly do love symbolic logic, errr symbols)
In the immortal words of Homer J. Simpson "Oh my God! Lyndon LaRouche was right." Its all quite brilliant really. Who knew that Strauss, a German Jew born during the glory days of Prince Frederick William Albert Victor of Prussia (affectionately known as Kaiser Bill) in 1899, would one day grow up to be the mastermind behind a secret dark cabal that rules the American regime with an iron fist, also known as the University of Chicago Political Science Department. Throughout his time here on earth in his mortal form (all Straussians upon completion of the life cycle evolve into a Platonic Idea), Leo Strauss has, under the guise of a mild-mannered run-of-the-mill philosopher, had his dirty little hand in every dirty little political plot known to mankind.
Ahh, you have passed the test. Only those with the sharpest, most devious minds could have passed the sphinx-like maze that was the opening remarks. Certainly no American college student could have performed such feats of intellectual strength. You have now gained access to the esoteric internet (esoternet for short). But everything is not what it seems. In the esoternet, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.
Forget everything you knew about philosophy (there that was easy). Now, there are a few basic points that all Straussians (Straussies for short) must subscribe to. The foremost of which being that there is the few and there is the many. Think of it in terms of jocks and everyone else in highschool. Jocks are too busy kickin ass and fuckin women to constatnly deal with the endless masses of nerds, goths, skaters, etc. They obviously could kick the hell out of everyone else at Philosophy High but that leaves them seriously strapped for time. Jocks only like to hang out with other each other, same goes for Straussians. They are the smartest, sexiest (Alan Bloom,yum-yum) and generally best people alive, but they also suffer the same fate as jocks in that they must constantly deal with the hoi poloi. This prevents them from producing literal translations and other evil plots of domination
Influences On Straussian PhilosophyEdit
To solve this riddle, Strauss, for no apparent reason turned to Plato, namely his dialogue the Republic. As a young man, Plato snuck out of his parents house to eavesdrop on the late-night conversations Socrates was known to have with prominent, young Athenian men right before he would make love to them. Anyway, Plato would hide and record verbatim these said conversations. One night, Socrates told a bunch of guys how to build a city. Plato also wanted to build city so he wrote this all down and passed the work off as his own (we owe this brilliant insight to Sir Karl Popper, btw). In order to deal with the many in this city, Plato came up with the notion of the Noble Lie. Kind of like those fake cell phone numbers that you give to girls when you fuck up and sleep with them and need to make a quick exit the morning after but do not want to hurt their feelings. The philosopher-kings tell similar lies to their subjects so they'll do what they're told without getting all uppity. Strauss saw this and said yes, lets do that and so they did. Anyway then Socrates went down on some guys chained to the wall in a cave (I guess this sheds some light on the Straussian envolvement with the gay-Jewish-facist New World Order, oops said too much), walked a divided line and then some other stuff and thats about it.
Not A Name DropperEdit
After reading this book, Strauss got pretty excited, kind of like he would before an episode of Gunsmoke would come on. But he also noticed that Plato, I mean Socrates, I mean Plato....couldn't make an argument to save his life. In other words Plato was no Wittgenstein, certainly not a Bertrand "Berty" Russell, but Strauss really dug this noble lie business so he invented the notion that Plato really was writing esoterically. No one really knows what that means but it opened the door for another Straussian staple, free association. This helps one make the text say whatever one wants (Ha! take that Derrida, beat you to the punch). Strauss then figured why not extend this to all other philosophers in the Western tradition, hell lets throw in some others as well (Xenophon a philosopher? ok). This led to one of the most monumental achievements of the last 2000 years, the crafting of the fifth Gospel, the purple one.
Along with the mysterious Joseph Cropsey, Strauss delegated each "philosopher" in the tradtion to his various underlings. Kennington, you take Descartes. Rosen your on Spinoza and so on and such forth. With this, the trap was in place. The Republic was now under control of Emperor Strauss. Philosophy, nay the world would never fully recover. Oh sure the occasional scholar has tried to bring down the Empire but they simply become tangled within the web that is Leo Strauss.
Please take note of the flattering depiction of Strauss with the stereotypical Jewish nose. Although for my money he could look just a tad bit more rat-like. Anyway Strauss continued his plot of world domination. Would you believe that Strauss had the nerve to present Machiavelli as a teacher of evil, forever tarnishing his otherwise pleasant depictions. Thats pretty much it, he wrote some more books, installed a few puppet regimes, continued his war against the Rebel Alliance of the Analysts, the Feminists, and the Existentialists. We're all happy now, the end.