Legal Technicality

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A legal technicality is the most commonly used tool by the (il)legal community to accomplish whatever goal they have currently set their mind to. Many lawyers worship the legal technicality as a type of god.

Are legal technicalities legal? Edit

The phrase "legal technicality" appears to refer to something legal, since the word "legal" is contained in the phrase. But the term "legal technicality" is a misnomer, since the technicalities referred to are, in fact, not legal.

If legal technicalities are not legal, then how can they exist? The answer lies in the use of a legal technicality: lawyers use a legal technicality to make legal technicalities legal. Under this legal technicality, anything that lawyers place the word "legal" in front of, automatically becomes legal. Thus, legal technicalities are, by definition, legal.

What are some legal technicalities? Edit

Legal technicalities abound in law. Technically speaking, the number of legal technicalities is limited only by the number of insane thoughts a lawyer can have. The better the law school attended by the lawyer, the more insidious will be the legal technicalities that he has been taught to use.

One example of a legal technicality, used by a Yale-educated lawyer, is to question the meaning of the word "is". When asked a question under oath, the lawyer responded: "It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is." This is a good example of how a legal technicality is expertly used by a lawyer according to his top-notch legal education.

In fact, using legal technicalities, sentences can be distorted to have meanings very far away from the original intent of the sentence. For example, the sentence "The dog is happy" can be said to have any of the following meanings:

  • The dog is [not] happy.
  • The dog is [never] happy.
  • The dog is [not capable of being] happy.
  • The dog['s tail] is [not capable of wagging to show] happy[ness].
  • The dog is [actually a cat who is] happy.

History of legal technicalities Edit

Legal technicalities have a vaunted history in the legal community. Lawyers worship legal technicalities as a god-like creation. Of course, this "god" is godless and illegal under the Bible. However, because the Bible is illegal in the (il)legal community, this fact is irrelevant.

In 1923, lawyers created a gold statue of a legal technicality. The gold statue was very small, since lawyers were not willing to give up much of their riches of gold in order to create it. According to some versions of the story, the gold statue actually consisted of a piece of wood that lawyers painted gold to make it look like it was a gold statue. Still, God (of the Bible) was not pleased, and a duel took place between God and legal technicalities. God won, but He allowed legal technicalities to persist, just as He allows many other forms of evil to persist in the world. It is up to Americans to fight legal technicalities at every opportunity.

See Also Edit

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