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Lefties

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Hypnotic
Explosion
Lefties
has become TOO RANDOM
it needs a complete rewrite in order to remove all the randomness.
Please edit this page so that it fits in "The Stephen Colbert Experience" Thank You.


"Lefties" is a name used to describe people who predominately use their left, or "sinster", hand.

HistoryEdit

Discovered in the 14th century, left-handed-people, or as they are commonly referred to as today "lefties" were beleived to be incarnations of the devil. For this reason, whenever identified, a lefty would be savagely tortured and then buried or burned alive. It is believed that the left-handed community survived by fleeing to the Mongolian mountains for 600 years.

In the 20th century, they returned to the Western world, vowing revenge on every last right handed human - often referred to as "normals". The radical organization soon got there hands on water soluble anthrax, obtained from Saddam Hussein, a distant cousin to one of the radicals. The group managed to get 50 kg in exchange for two bags of genetically modified, ranch-flavored corn chips and a dr'hoes hip massager. After a failed attempt to taint New York City's water supply with Anthrax, the group was hunted by the FBI, NYPD and DEA (all lefties are drug addicts) for two years until the group resorted to living in the NYC sewers and a series of underground tunnels and pipes.

There was a massive cover-up to protect the public and avoid panic. Word is that the left handed community has been mutating in the sewers since the 70s, waiting, patiently, until they once again have enough power and forces to re-take the surface of the planet. The few lefties that live above ground (aprox. 12 percent) are shunned upon by society and most of them, to this day, work quietly, away from the public eye, as circus carnies or baseball pitchers.

BiologyEdit

People are born left-handed. It is not a choice. During an interview on the 10/27/05 edition of The Colbert Report with congressman Barney Frank, Stephen Colbert disclosed that his parents unsuccessfully attempted to get him to switch to right handed.

TriviaEdit

See AlsoEdit

Liberace
Lefties
gives aid and comfort to America's enemies. As A True American™,
it is your duty to report Lefties to the authorities.

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