Kung Fu

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Hello, Kitty
Hello, Kung Fu
Asian and very good at math.

Your Cat-fu is strong…

Kung Fu is the way to knowledge of the mind, universe, soul for Orientals who are not versed in Western spirituality. It is also useful when one needs to kick any ass that looks at you sideways.


Originally invented by bears and taught to the Shaolin monks of Mt. Song, many cultures have tried to emulate it's beauty, grace and efficacy, only to eat the sandal of the Abbott.

Located about an hour's drive from Beijing, the Shaolin Temple will welcome your money during your visit, and prove your slimy unworthiness. Fun time. You will be served two meals a day of raw fish heads and rice. It is cold in China, always, and you will have no shoes. You will fetch your daily water from the spring at the base of the mountain. In between meals you can look forward to thrusting you hands into cauldrons full of flaming hot ash and rocks. If that doesn't get you scared, try the Wooden Man. If you can defeat Him, you'll be able to kick anyone's ass in the world. Just remember that a true monk learns to fight in order to preserve peace. Kung Fu is for the pure of heart, and you're just not ready.

Ass Kicking TraditionEdit

People who know Kung Fu will kick you in the nuts until you turn blue. Then, in accoradance with their beliefs, will assist you with your luggage, help wash your dishes, or light incense for you, after defeating your worthless dishonorable ass, at the temple. Don't let your guard down, however. Monks are sneaky-they were able to kick the Red Chinese out-you haven't got a prayer.

Different Forms of Kung FuEdit

Famous King Fu MastersEdit

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