Krispy Kreme

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Krispy Kreme
has been granted full United States "citizenship"
for their donation to Republican causes.
America thanks you, Krispy Kreme

Krispy Kreme donuts, also known as deep-fried crack, are delectable fried dough which are glazed in cocaine, sugar and arsenic.



A Krispy Kreme donut frolics in its natural habitat.

The Krispy Kreme donut originated from the laboratory of Vernon Rudolph, an eccentric scientist who was seeking a new form of edible poison. However, upon discovering the addictive nature of his newest toxin, Doctor Rudolph formed the Krispy Kreme Korporation.

Under his benevolent leadership, the Korporation tackled the crippling food shortages of the Great Depression head on. Not only did the company provide growing employment, but their primary product, the Krispy Kreme donut, also kept the nation on a sugar-induced high through the 1930s and then World War II.

Since that time the Krispy Kreme donut has continued to give to America, especially her thighs and buns. The delicious, highly-addictive donut has also helped fuel the increasingly profitable insulin market, thus continuing to benefit the American economy.


The Krispy Kreme is an exceptionally versatile creature, and once captured and properly trained they can be used for numerous purposes. These include:

  • Luring morbidly obese citizens into store sales.
  • Holding rabid health-nuts and environmentalists at bay.
  • Poisoning America's enemies with trans fat (also known as Krispy bombing).
  • Bribing Karl Rove for political favors.

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