has bad teeth and a funny accent because it is British.

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Make sure the kilt wearer is a man, and not just an ugly woman in a skirt. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

A kilt is a skirt for guys. The Scottish have a long tradition of kilt wearing, possibly because they don't realize how gay this makes them look. Kilts are also the favored garment of disbarred lawyers with larger than normal male genitalia[1].

Brief HistoryEdit

Kilts date back to th 16th century, when the Scotland was fiercely battling England, its neighbor to the south. These man skirts allowed the Scots to easily brandish their filthy, infected buttocks at their enemies, in the hopes they would be repulsed and run away.

Unfortunately, the heterosexual English soldiers had long been without the company of women. Thus, the kilt strategy had the opposite effect on these poor desperate people, and in fact was a in Scotland's subjugation to the English.

In spite of this, Scottish men still wear kilts. Presumably for fun?

How To Approach A Kilt WearerEdit


The first rule is: if at all possible do not approach kilt wearers! If you must (because they owe you money, have you cornered, have besmirched the good name of Our Glorious Stephen, etc.), here are some helpful rules:

  • If the kilt wearer is Scottish, male, and sober, you should approach him cautiously. To get away, tell him that you're off to get some more whisky.
  • If the wearer is Scottish, male, and drunk, immediately tell him that you're off to get some more whisky.
  • If the wearer is male (Scottish, drunk, or any other variety) and is wearing makeup, then he is a transvestite. You must get away as soon as possible, before he infects you with the gay. Tell him that there is a sale on at Macy's or something. Then, when he looks the other way, run for it!
  • If the wearer lacks facial hair and has breasts, this might be a woman in a skirt. In which case, you'll not only be okay but are expected to try to get into the skirt.
  • If the wearer appears at a National Press Club event, humor him by asking semi-serious questions until the police arrive.

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