Despite what you may have heard
Katon Dawson
Is totally not gay!
Baby Jesus
The Baby Jesus and The Baby Satan
are fighting over the very soul of
Katon Dawson

Katon Dawson is the chairman of South Carolina's Republican Party.

His life was unremarkable until one day he received a call from a staffer with The Colbert Report.

After a tense negotiation, Mr. Dawson gave Stephen this advice:

“he could probably have more fun buying a sports car and getting a girlfriend.”

This statement puts Mr. Dawson's Republican credentials into question. A girlfriend, Mr. Dawson? Seriously? A sports car? Why don't you tell Stephen to go to the Minneapolis Airport Bathroom and await further instructions?

Heroes, please help Mr. Dawson understand what real advice for a candidate looks like by posting below the advice you would give Stephen if you were the chairman of South Carolina's Republican Party.

Advice For An American CandidateEdit

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