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Katie Holmes was a television and movie actress, and is currently the "wife" of the so-called "Christ of $cientology," Tom Cruise. As the wife to the "Christ of $cientology," Holmes is the de facto "Mary Magdalene" of $cientology. As such, it is her duty to wash the feet of all of the members of Cult of $cientology. In truthiness, Holmes acts as Cruise's Beard to attempt to help Cruise seem
straight more appealing so that he may recruit more people to see his films and join the ranks of $cientology.
Holmes was born in 1995, and was only 12 years old when Cruise married her. The statuesque Holmes towers over the tiny, four foot tall Cruise.
"Marriage" to Tom CruiseEdit
The so-called "Christ of $cientology," diminutive "actor" Tom Cruise, held auditions to pick his
beard bride. At one audition, which functioned as a slumber party to put his guests at ease, Cruise set his eyes on the young and impressionable Holmes. The two initially hit it off when they did each others' hair. They had much in common, including the belief that aliens inhibit them and their affection for David Beckham. Cruise eventually worked up the courage to ask Holmes on a date.
Katie Holmes gave birth to Suri, who is likely not Cruise's child. It is rumored that Holmes used Stephen Colbert's Formula 402 to impregnate herself. The father could also be Chris Klein, Holmes' previous boyfriend. It is unknown whether Klein has the balls necessary, however, to impregnate Holmes with his seed.
Katie Holmes was an actor. She is best known for her role on The Dawson's Creek, a show about kids with large vocabularies and even larger heads. Holmes was eventually
forced encouraged to quit the acting in order focus on her job as "Mary Magdalene" of the $cientology.