Katie Couric

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Katie Couric
Belongs to The Vast Left-Wing Media Conspiracy
Katie Couric
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
Katie Couric
Was an Uber Hottie but has committed an act of Hottie Treason!
She has angered Stephen Colbert and made The Baby Jesus cry.
She is banished to Hell to be Martha Stewart's hand maiden.


Awwww. She's adorable.

Katie Couric wrestling

How's a man supposed to get up in the morning without something like this to look forward to, Katie?

Katie Couric is a perky anchorwoman who talks too much and tries to ask tough questions.

Best known for her role as the voice of the news reporter in Shark Tale, Couric was once a cohost of the chatfest The View. She was fired because Elizabeth Hasselbeck bested her in mindlessly selflessly supporting Our Troops.

Katie made Stephen Colbert very upset when she messed up his morning routine with her announcement that she was leaving The Today Show to replace Dan Rather as the anchor of CBS Evening News. Now all America has in the morning is Matt Lauer, and neither Stephen nor the rest of us ever got used to the buzz-cut.

Stephen thought you had something really special, Katie. Weren't you one of his "ladies," part of Stephen's Divine Sisterhood of the Ya-Ya Traveling Pants? How could you? You were his ray of sunshine in the morning, his reason for getting out of bed.

You made him cry.

Shame on you.

I hope you're happy now, Katie Couric.

Katie Couric
is a Traitor
And will soon feel the wrath of a vengeful Baby Jesus.

The InterviewEdit


Stephen sat down with Couric on the March 22, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report. Stephen thanked her for knocking off Bob Schieffer and discussed how being both a cheerleader and a sorority sister had prepared her for the anchor chair at the CBS Evening News, which has been hosted by such prominent lefties as Edward R. Murrow and Dan Rather.

Stephen revealed that since she left The Today Show, all he can think about is yesterday.™ He thanked her for relying on her heart and gut, rather than her brain, to make the decision to leave Today.

Stephen suggested that she change her show opening, "Hello everyone", to something that more adequately captures the tone of the news these days: "Are you sitting down?" "You're not gonna like this." "Oh boy, how am I gonna flip this?" or "We need to talk."

The BraceletEdit

Stephen, reveling in his power, handed Couric a "Wriststrong" bracelet on August 7 IN PERSON. She appeared honored, AS SHE SHOULD HAVE, and gave Stephen an unbreakable vow that she was going to wear it on that night's show. When Stephen saw her show that night, however, he noticed she didn't have it on! She made Stephen so sad, he called her a she is one. She SO fucked Stephen over by not wearing it.

She'd better hope she doesn't die from an infection of a broken wrist... because it could happen. At any time. Just saying.

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