Hey Ma!
Pack your banjo and chewin' t'backer, we fixin' to enjoy us some
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KFC provides Americans with all of the crunchy fat-encrusted chicken corpses that drive God's nation to calorific glory. Real Americans do this because they know that there is no such thing as Global Warming, and thus are unafraid to prepare themselves for the winter with a thick layer of blubber.

The Reverend never saw global warming and was always warm in the winter.

The Origins of KFC Edit

KFC stands for nothing, contrary to popular belief, as the letters were chosen as a poorly sensored scramble of what The Colonel, whose real name was in fact Colonel Sanders, said during all his failed chicken murder attempts. Eventually, the Colonel was faced with a massive army of chickens, and sent out a call for help, one that could only be answered by the greatest hero of all.

The Colonel's maniacal smile lets onto his homicidal rage towards chickens


How KFC Chicken is Made Edit

At a secret underground facility in Kentucky, daily war games are staged between Tek Jansen and an army of chickens. Tek Jansen pulls out his laser gun and individually annihilates them one by one to a crisp golden brown. The manly aroma of fried chicken is what accounts for Tek's overwhelming successes with the ladies.

Other Menu Items Edit


Tek Jansen slides to avoid the onslaught of poultry.

Kfc chicken

Tek's foes served up with a side of Freedom Fries

Item Made Edit

Method of Slaughter
Cole Slaw Chicken shoved into a paper shredder
Mashed Potatoes Chicken rolled over by steamroller
Corn Chopped into bits by Tek's charm

KFC's Enemies Edit

KFC shares the fight on the Burger King with McDonald's. KFC must fight against fat Dirty Hippy Liberals as well, as they sully the name of Americans who are fat for a reason.
Michael moore fat

Michael Moore is only fat because he can't control himself

External Tubes Edit

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