KFC provides Americans with all of the crunchy fat-encrusted chicken corpses that drive God's nation to calorific glory. Real Americans do this because they know that there is no such thing as Global Warming, and thus are unafraid to prepare themselves for the winter with a thick layer of blubber.
The Origins of KFC EditKFC stands for nothing, contrary to popular belief, as the letters were chosen as a poorly sensored scramble of what The Colonel, whose real name was in fact Colonel Sanders, said during all his failed chicken murder attempts. Eventually, the Colonel was faced with a massive army of chickens, and sent out a call for help, one that could only be answered by the greatest hero of all. .
How KFC Chicken is Made Edit
At a secret underground facility in Kentucky, daily war games are staged between Tek Jansen and an army of chickens. Tek Jansen pulls out his laser gun and individually annihilates them one by one to a crisp golden brown. The manly aroma of fried chicken is what accounts for Tek's overwhelming successes with the ladies.
Other Menu Items Edit
Item Made Edit
|Method of Slaughter|
|Cole Slaw||Chicken shoved into a paper shredder|
|Mashed Potatoes||Chicken rolled over by steamroller|
|Corn||Chopped into bits by Tek's charm|