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Jury

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A jury is a group of people. In the context of a trial, a jury may collectively be called "The Deciders." (This should not be confused with The Decider, who is a jury of one.)

What are the main functions of a jury? Edit

A jury has two main functions. The first is to make important decisions, such as who lives and who dies. The second is to pretend to pay attention to the legal complexities of the trial. The jury is required to comply with the second function throughout the entire trial. The jury cannot stop pretending to pay attention simply because it is bored, tired, or otherwise distracted.

What are the main characteristics of a jury? Edit

A jury is:

  1. intelligent,
  2. morally upstanding, and
  3. frequently manipulated against its will by lawyers and activist judges.

How do lawyers and activist judges manipulate juries? Edit

AFewGoodMen

A lawyer uses his good looks to manipulate the jury.

Lawyers and activist judges have developed many sophisticated means by which to "hoodwink the jury," as the practice is known in legal circles. The typical lawyer will pretend that his client is innocent, even when he knows the client is guilty. Even worse, lawyers frequently conspire with activist judges to withhold crucial evidence from the jury. Jury members should also watch out for the following insidious methods of manipulation:

  • The use of words, speaking, or other methods of communication
  • The use of legal arguments, including legal technicalities
  • The use of fake emotions, such as fake sympathy for victims
  • The dressing of the defendant in nice-looking clothing
  • The use of a good-looking lawyer
  • The use of rhyming catchphrases, spoken repeatedly and in a sing-song voice to lull the jury to mental sleep, hallucinations, and a hypnotic state (e.g., "if it doesn't fit, you must acquit")

How can a jury withstand the attempted manipulation? Edit

Butterflies

Ooh, butterflies!

The Deciders must trust their gut above all else. Additionally, the jury must not attempt to go above and beyond its second function of pretending to pay attention.

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