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The brains behind the New York Times

Much like the related class of experts, Journalists come in two types: Real journalists, who concern themselves with the truth and speak from the gut, and So-called journalists, who want to talk about "facts" and think with their heads. The latter type are typically factonistas or Wordanistas, intent on manufacturing stories to fit the truth into 500 words or less.

Stephen Colbert embodies the qualities of a real journalist. In truth, he is the exact opposite of his counterparts in the liberal media establishment. Unlike so-called journalists, Stephen Colbert is always kempt, gruntled, plussed, ingenuous, and sightful. He is also Grippy, Megamerican, Lincolnish, Superstantial, and absolutely oozing with Gravitas. No one would say the same of Dan Rather.

How To Be A Good JournalistEdit

  • Quality reporting consists of taking press releases and putting them into your own words. If you've learned this lesson, congratulations, you're now a graduate of Stephen Colbert's School of Journalism.
  • Listen to what the other media is dishing out and go the opposite way with the story. Facts = Word Bullets. Keep these word bullets out of the hands of the Terrorists (NY Times, CNN, basically any other news station except for Fox and The most Honest and Truthiest God of Journalists, Our very own Stephen "Gods word Mouth" Colbert

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.

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