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Mr. Paul was arrested for it and will now be sentenced for his terrorism against America and capitalism.
People Who Have Called Him A TerroristEdit
Jonathan Paul is one of the biggest domestic terrorists to betray America.
Jonathan Paul has committed the following terrorist acts:
- he broke the law
- he impersonated a fur buyer
- he put himself between whales and whalers
- he was caught speeding in his car
- he is gay
Initiation Into Al QaedaEdit
The U.S. government considers him among the ranks of Osama bin Laden and Ramzi Ahmed Yousef.
"This is a classic case of terrorism," the federal prosecutor said earnestly to the judge during a hearing in the last week of the case.
Nearly 10 years ago, Mr. Paul burned down a legitimate American corporation helping the economy. It is not clear which terrorist cell he was in, and who ordered him to perform this final act.
While he was on the run, America's laws were reformed to improve our protections of the American people who are not afraid of anything due to our independance and self-sufficiency.
America's protectors have created a new degree of terrorism ("terrorism enhancement") to cover the crimes for which Mr. Paul and his ilk have trained.
The success of the reforms are evident in the increased sentencing guidelines: a 3-year sentence can become a 14-year sentences (and a free and secret trip to Gitmo!)
The Greatest President Ever Is Protecting Us From TerroristsEdit
There are many ways terrorists are trying to hurt America, Americans, and America's values. And The Greatest President Ever recognizes this, that's why he demanded that Alberto Gonzales first create a list of offenses and go after all of them!
In addition to the idea of terrorist-as-murderer, Alberto Gonzales has added property damage to the laundry list.
Mr. Jonathan Paul is a lawbreaker, and his family won't argue with you.
But the liberals are diluting the meaning of terrorism, demeaning all Americans who have died in terrorist acts yet to be thought of.
- ↑ Except commies and homos and liberals and baby killers and hippies...