John Yoo
is a Beautiful Republican
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John Yoo, sometimes known as John C. Yoo to remind you he can legally watch what you're doing, is an American who had the guts to stand by The Greatest President Ever even before the president himself knew what he was standing for. Even though his eyes slant, John has the vision to see an America free from the bondage of liberal reality-huggers.

John has helped shape The Greatest Justice Department Ever by crafting The Greatest Patriotic Act Ever and The Greatest Interrogation Enhancement Techniques Memo Ever.

Legal CareerEdit


Yoo has even been known to secretly record himself.

John Yoo is best known for his work as an assistant co-counsel to the under secretary of Judicial Affairs reporting directly to an executive deputy sub-cabinet officer of the Supreme Judiexeculative branch.

In this esteemed capacity, John was put in charge of defining and redefining all of America's assumptions about what was, what was assumed to be, what might currently be and what might become legal in America or future American colonies.

John Faces Haters Head OnEdit

Hello, Kitty
Hello, John Yoo
Asian and very good at math.

Professor Yoo, everything that makes an American an expert in his field: glasses-wearing, Asian and Republican

John Yoo knows the epithets of the socialists, communists, the liberals and the lefties. Widely considered the intellectual architect of the most dramatic assertion of White House power since the Nixon era, he has seen constitutional scholars skewer his reasoning and students call for his ouster from the University of California at Berkeley. Fucking hippies.

But the cheap shots don't end there. The State Department's chief legal adviser at the time called his analysis of the Geneva Conventions "seriously flawed." Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor wrote, in a critique of administration views espoused by Yoo, "a state of war is not a blank check for the President when it comes to the rights of the Nation's citizens." (Of course, Sandra redeemed herself soon afterward by retiring and making way for the greatest blank check writer of all time, John Roberts. All is forgiven, Sandy.)

After 9/11, Yoo saved the government a lot of time and money by taking it upon himself to redefine torture, reinterpret the Constitution and do away with all that silly red tape about "warrants" and "due process".

Let the lefties whine about "civil rights" (whatever those are); the fact is that without John's keen legal balls, everyone in America would most likely be dead. He tortures them so he won't have to torture you... as long as you stay in line. John, let us here at be the first to lean into the NSA wiretaps carefully concealed in our desks to say "thank you!

See AlsoEdit

Internets Tubal SourcesEdit

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