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John Wilkes Booth

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Osama bin Lisa
Mahmoud Ahmedi-John Wilkes Booth-nejad is a terrorist.
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"WHERE ARE THE NACHOS? MY CAT REFUSES TO BATHE!"
I kill what I fear and I fear what I don't understand, and I don't understand this.
Be less random and more truthy--use your gut.

John Wilkes Booth was a close friend of Saddam Hussein and a founding member of the Factonistas.

Assassination of LincolnEdit

Booth was so upset with President Abraham Lincoln's emancipation of the African-Americans that he conspired with Hussein and other freedom-haters to assassinate Lincoln at Gerald Ford's Theater during a production of the musical Rent. During a stirring rendition of the song "The Tango Maureen", Booth crept into the Presidential Box and struck Lincoln just above the ear with a frozen herring.

Justice is DoneEdit

Secret Service agents, including Agent Smith, hunted down Booth relentlessly and eventually turned him into a throw rug. This rug decorated the floor of the Oval Office until President Warren G. Harding sent it to the Kremlin as a present to the new Communist government. Joseph Stalin proceeded to tear it up into several hundred million pieces and distribute the rug evenly throughout Russia, in keeping with the policies of Communism. This worked well enough for the Russians, as the living spaces allotted to them by their government were just the right size for a 1/500000000th of a John Wilkes Booth throw rug to fully carpet the interior.

Carnival UsageEdit

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

Wilkes Booth has a city named after him in Pennsylvania called Wilkes-Booth?

The John Wilkes Booth remains a popular fixture at carnivals despite its disturbing penchant for shooting any visitor in the head.

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