I am John Negroponte and my lawyer swears I'm not a
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John Negroponte is the world's leading diplomat and humanitarian.

International Diplomat Extraordinaire!Edit

Posts held by Mr. Negroponte:

  1. Ambassador to Honduras (1981 - 1985)
  2. Ambassador to the UN (2001 - 2004)
  3. Ambassador to Iraq (2004 - 2005)
  4. Director of National Intelligence (2005 - 2007)
  5. United States Deputy Secretary of State (2007-present)

Negroponte oversaw the U.S. intelligence operation at the embassy in Tegucigalpa - while submitting intelligence reports to his superiors in Washington.

As the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, he can be expected to fix the intelligence flaws revealed by the failure of everyone but the Bush Administration to "connect the dots" between al-Qaeda and worldwide terrorism.

Negroponte's two demands on the U.S. intelligence community: that analysts assess U.S. policies and field operatives such as U.S. allies or American interrogators.

The following atrocities did not occur in Iraq during his tenure:

  1. human rights violations
    1. torture
    2. rape
    3. murder
  2. drug trafficking
  3. slanting intelligence reports
  4. politicizing analysis

Working With Local Indegenous PeoplesEdit

Honduran military and the Nicaraguan contras who set up shop in Honduras during Negroponte's tenure as ambassador the early '80s evolved from a small band under the loving tutelage of Argentine intelligence officers into an irregular army supported by the CIA.

Their efficiency later garnered them another promotion as an adjunct of the White House under National Security Council aide Oliver North.

Negroponte, who is now 65, has staunchly denied knowledge of "death squad" operations by the Honduran military in the '80s.

In factiness, Mr. Negroponte's success in ending all drug abuse in Honduras, the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) office at the U.S. Embassy in Tegucigalpa was closed in 1983.

Sen. John Kerry complained to anyone who would listen.

Recent RevelationsEdit

Many documents about Negroponte's involvement in that silly little "Iran-Contra" misunderstanding remains rightly classified; why dredge up bad memories wghen everything is going so well?

True to form, however, the Democrats had to make everyone as miserable as they were. Senator Chris Dodd claimed that from 1980 to 1984, the Honduran military committed most of the country's hundreds of human rights abuses, using the documents of some obscure "intellegence" agency.

The documents reported that some Honduran military units, trained by the United States, were implicated in "death squad" operations that employed counterterrorist tactics, including torture, rape, and assassinations against people suspected of supporting leftist guerrillas in El Salvador or leftist movements in Honduras.

In response to questions about Battalion 316, Negroponte had to remind Dodd, the Freedom-hater,

"I have never seen any convincing substantiation that they were involved in death squad-type activities."

Dodd also cited an imaginary friend, he named "The Inter-American Court of Human Rights", as having found that:

"a practice of disappearances carried out or tolerated by Honduran officials existed between 1981-84' … These abuses were often politically motivated and officially sanctioned.' "

While Dodd pussied out, he invented another imaginary friend, this one called, "The National Catholic Reporter", which he said had evidence that right-wing persecutions of Catholic clergy in Central America occurred during the '80s.

Infuriated that no one believed his fantasies, Dodd dressed up as a nun, called himself "Sister Laetitia Bordes" and confronted Mr. Negroponte in his office.

Negroponte hs since denied any knowledge of the whereabouts of these women. He insisted that the U.S. embassy did not interfere in the affairs of the Honduran government and that he could spot a drag queen from a quarter mile away.

More HateEdit

No one in America cares about two-decade-old stale and irrelevant Central American nuns and disappeared people. Seriously, who cares?

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